Detritus - a Twine game by @newsmary

<<set $owned.push('jars')>>\s\nWill you have sugar here? You don't take sugar in your tea or coffee, but your friends might. Other girls in the block might come round and want a spoonful. Neighbours might borrow it. \n\nSo there are three jars, plastic, with screw-top lids, marked COFFEE and TEA and SUGAR in black letters that will wear off quickly until you have to open each one to discover what it holds. You'll put cheap instant coffee in one, Typhoo teabags at 200 a pound from the pound shop in the second, and the third you'll keep stocked with White Spoon sugar, when you can afford it. A packet will last you for months at a time.\n\n<<display 'zips buzz'>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>Your clothes need packing. Jeans and shirts, a couple of pencil skirts, nothing expensive, nothing distinctive. Camouflage. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You jumble everything that isn't threadbare into your case. It fits easily.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You dump almost everything except your travelling clothes in a binbag. It will cost money to replace your shell. For the first time you realise that it wil be worthwhile.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You jumble the lot into green bags and take them two by two to the homeless shelter, where your shirts will camouflage at least twelve other people in the coming months.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 0>><<set $endifgive = 1>>Half of the Discworld books are falling apart. You have read them all a thousand times. Parts you could recite by heart. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You spend a complicated evening juggling your finances before buying every single one again and downloading them to the Kindle your workmates gave you as a leaving present. The physical books still sit in stacks on the coffee table.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>when you imagine them rotting silent on a landfill somewhere it is the first time you cry, you cry for an hour at the injustice even of the thought<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>you have a niece who is eleven years old and perhaps if you give them to her she will send you emails in the months ahead and not forget who you are right away<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>You have Spotify now, and you have a tall case full of old CDs that you barely listen to any more. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You spend a quiet morning taking all the CDs out of their jewel cases and putting them in a light-weight wallet. The cases go to a friend's loft. You buy a portable CD player, feeling seventeen again.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>They are no use to anyone. You leave them on the street, case and all, ready to be loaded into the car and taken to the tip. When you next look outside the whole thing has disappeared.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You take them to the charity shop in a spare rucksack and leave before the little old lady at the counter gets to the Cradle of Filth album.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>You have played Once Upon A Time maybe thirty or forty times, dealing cards out round a group of friends after shared meals or in the pub after work. You have spun dozens of stories together. Once you made it all the way through a game from start to finish without anyone interrupting.\n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take it with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You throw away the oversized box and cut down to size the box your light bulbs came in. The game fits in your hand luggage.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take it with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave it behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You leave the cards stacked on the table in a paper bag so later, when you take out the recycling for the last time, you don't have to look at it and know you'll never see it again.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave it behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give it away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>Go to the pub on the corner of your road one last time with the scattered mismatched group of people you love best. Take one of them aside and slip the game into his hands. Watch his face light up.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give it away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>You have curls and stacks of paper and card, boxes of origami paper in gorgeous patterns, ink and pens and nibs. You have made so much with words and with parchment. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You can take only the necessities. You can just about stuff the nibs and pens into the side pockets of your case alongside your toothbrush, but the paper is too bulky. Still. It is enough.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You cannot bring yourself to throw it all away. You parcel it up in brown paper and take it back to the art supply store, where maybe they can use it or give it on to someone else who will enjoy it.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>In a frenzied flurry of activity, you use it all up. Every spare moment for weeks is spent crafting: you make cranes for your friends, you write out poems in flowing script, you create paper bunting for a birthday party. You finish every drop of ink and give every scrap of paper away.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>one green goblet, sitting on the wall. one green goblet, sitting on the wall. and if one green goblet, should accidentally fall - \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take it with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>you cannot take glass in your luggage. You bought the pair with the extra fiver you got for working overtime when your friend broke her ankle, and you drank beer out of them every Saturday for a year with him, before you came to your senses, but you still cannot take glass in your luggage<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take it with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave it behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>stash it on top of one of the wardrobes, maybe the next person who lives here will find it and love it and drink beer out of it on a Saturday<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave it behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give it away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>who wants one glass? no one wants one glass. except you, you did, once, so take it to the local homeless shelter and leave it on the doorstep just in case<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give it away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<set $owned.push('toaster')>>\s\nIt's bright yellow, and it's been well used before, but it'll toast bread or teacakes or muffins, maybe. Crumpets. You don't know how to use a grill and you don't even have a grill tray, but the toaster will do. Set it up and plug it in, like a grown up person who's going to eat breakfast every day and not dry white bread under the bedclothes at 3am when sleep won't come. You won't keep it clean, but isn't it pretty to pretend.\n\n<<display 'zips buzz'>>

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\s\n<<if $option1 eq 'writes'>>\s\n<<set $person.push($option2,$option3)>>\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<if $option2 eq 'writes'>>\s\n<<set $person.push($option1,$option3)>>\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<if $option3 eq 'writes'>>\s\n<<set $person.push($option1,$option2)>>\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<set $statement.push('You will be the sort of person who writes.')>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('notebooks') gte 0>><<set $packed.push('notebooks')>>\s\nYour notebooks are two years full, words pouring out of them and falling into useless clumps on the stained carpet of the old house.\nNo money for paper in the end, so you used different pens at different angles.\nYou burned to write\nand so you wrote\nlayering text on text until only you could distill language from the interwoven lines. You made maps.\n\nYou will rip pages from your new notepads and tack them to the breezeblock walls of your first student home. \n\nYou will use your words to set the world on fire.\n<<else>><<set $packed.push('writing')>><<set $owned.push('writing')>>\s\nOne day she shredded one of your pages of careful, close text into thin strips with her slim fingers. She used it to line the cat litter tray. \n\npart of you turned to ice when you found it\n\nNow you are going to make words that change the world. You are growing wings made of adjectives with paper feathers. \n\nYou will soar.\n<<endif>>\n<<display 'weak'>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>You have stacks upon stacks of old notebooks, full of poems and diary entries. Half formed thoughts externalised. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You cannot take them all; you could take one or two but you cannot pick which ones. Better to dispose of them somehow. Cleaner.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You are finished with all that. You tie them in careful stacks with twine and leave them to be recycled. You imagine your words, pulped to make new notepaper.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>Your brother, understanding without asking, takes three boxes away in his car and promises to keep them safe in his attic.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<set $owned.push('relaxation music')>><<set $packed.push('relaxation music')>>\s\nIt's only one CD, after all. It's not taking up much room. It's not hard to throw it away later.\n\nYou miss her. Sally, her name was. Is. She gave you her mobile number on a scrap of sugar paper. It doesn't work any more.\n\n<<if $day eq 1>><<display 'day one'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 2>><<display 'day two'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 3>><<display 'day three'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 4>><<display 'day four'>><<endif>>\n

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>Eighty thousand words, printed out, revised and redrafted, ready to be rewritten one last time. Of course it is digitised, of course, but here is the manuscript you have rescued once already.\n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take it with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>Three hundred printed pages scrawled with notes. It will fit in your hand luggage.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take it with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave it behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You bind it with string and leave it on a bus. You hope someone interesting will read it.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave it behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give it away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You have dedicated it to her. You package it and send it to the house you used to share. You do not include your name or a note.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give it away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

every thing here is broken and wrong. holes in your shirts. stains on your trousers.\nnone of it is [[new]].\nnone of it is [[beautiful]].

Detritus

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>Your three jars sit on your kitchen counter. TEA, COFFEE and SUGAR, though the labels have long worn away: you only know which is which through muscle memory now. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>They are plastic jars. The contents are immaterial. You stuff one with knickers, another with toiletries, the third with chargers and memory sticks.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>After you drink the last cup of tea, before the taxi arrives, you dump them in the trash.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You take them to the charity shop, clean but old and worn. They will be worth 50p to someone.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<silently>>\s\n<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\s\n<<set $owned.push('chessboard')>>\s\n<<endsilently>>\s\nWith both hands, you pick the marble chessboard out of your suitcase and turn it over slowly. The squares on the top are white and a banded greenish-brown, like agate. You were in chess club, in your first year of high school. You used to be pretty good. Impulsive, but you could [[think ahead]] when you really needed to.\n\nIt's a stupid thing, you know. Why do you even own it? It's too heavy. It's a square of solid stone with more [[solid stone]] attached. There's a cardboard box of glass chess pieces - the box used to contain wooden fragrant balls of the sort you slip into underwear drawers to distract moths - the pieces don't match and it's not like anyone will visit you here to play, anyway. \n\nYou put it on the chest of drawers, carefully positioning it so it's square and parallel to the edges. You can unpack the pieces later.\n\n<<display 'zips buzz'>>

<<set $owned.push('folded poster')>>\s\nYou pick out a poster of Kurt Cobain posing grimly, in retrospect, with a handgun. His blue eyes stare directly at the camera, straight forward, almost accusatory. You roll your little slab of Blu-Tak between your fingers to loosen and warm it, and tear four tiny pieces. You press the poster's corners down firmly into the door of your wardrobe, where the stickiness won't damage anything. You know you will not be here long enough to warrant leaving marks.\n\n<<display 'zips buzz'>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 0>>You have stacks of glowsticks and neon face paint, contact lenses that make your eyes red or white, metallic eyeshadows and lipsticks. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>Dancing is universal. Loud music in dark rooms full of strangers who love you: you can do this anywhere. You pack your makeup bag full.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You dump the contents of the bathroom cabinet quietly into the bin. Perhaps it's time to stop dancing.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>These things are personal and not for sharing; you manage to give the facepaint and glowsticks to a few friends who will use them, but the rest sits sullenly in the bathroom cabinet.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<set $owned.push('crystals')>>\s\nYou have a bag of crystals at the bottom of your suitcase. You've been collecting them since you were four or five, before you can remember. There's a chunk of amethyst, a fist-sized lump of green adventurine, a hunk of rock quartz you found on a beach one time in France. Dozens of little clusters of pyrite, fool's gold, that glint and glisten when the light hits them.\n\nYou pluck each one carefully from the blue plastic carrier bag and place it on the chessboard. In the end you have a little copse of glistening stone, shining in the sunlight from the bay window. \n\n<<display 'zips buzz'>>

<<if $boxes gte 1>><<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<set $boxes = $boxes-1>><<set $packed.push('crystals')>>\s\nFor your last birthday, a friend gave you a small wooden box lined with red cloth - velvet, perhaps? You like to think so - and you began to keep your favourite crystals in there. Not all of them; the box isn't quite big enough for the bigger pieces. But you have a few more, now, things you bought from a local hippy shop where the staff would sit and talk with you on slow Saturdays, when you'd nothing else to do. A long piece of amethyst shaped into a point. A tiny jade rabbit, a pendant you have never worn as a necklace. Your favourite, a perfect sphere of haematite, cold and shining like metal. You wrap the wooden box in a scarf, tuck it into the cardboard box and finally, in capital letters, write FRAGILE on the side. It is a code.\n<<else>>\s\nYou have no more boxes. You will have to pack something else, for now.\n<<endif>>\n<<if $day eq 1>><<display 'day one'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 2>><<display 'day two'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 3>><<display 'day three'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 4>><<display 'day four'>><<endif>>\n

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 0>>Blue eyeshadow and a little stack of makeup, lip pencil, mascara, a stick of concealer. A tiny bag of other people you've been in the mirror. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take it with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>you can still be the girl with the blue blue eyes, you can take her with you in your handbag and when you get out your mirror to check she'll still be in there somewhere<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take it with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave it behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>oh you've got blue eyes, oh you've got green eyes, oh you've got grey eyes, and I've never seen anyone quite like you before<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave it behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give it away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>Ew. No one wants your old used eyeshadow.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give it away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<if $day eq 3>>Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.<<set $day = 4>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $unpack lte 10>>\nYou have <<if $boxes eq 0>>0<<else>><<print $boxes>><<endif>> big, thick cardboard <<if $boxes eq 1>>box<<else>>boxes<<endif>>, <<if $binbags eq 0>>0<<else>><<print $binbags>><<endif>> <<if $binbags eq 1>>binbag<<else>>binbags<<endif>> and <<if $crates eq 0>>0<<else>><<print $crates>><<endif>> <<if $crates eq 1>>crate<<else>>crates<<endif>>. What will you pack before the trailer comes?\n\n<<if $packed.indexOf('camus') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('ellis') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('austen') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('pratchett') eq -1>>Put the [[books|Put the books into a crate.]] into a crate.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('grunge clothes') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('vintage clothes') eq -1>>Put the [[clothes|Put the clothes into a bin bag.]] into a bin bag.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('crystals') eq -1 and $owned.indexOf('crystals') gte 0>>Pack the [[crystals|Pack the crystals into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('rolled poster') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('folded poster') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('collage') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('bluebell') eq -1>>Put the [[posters|Put the posters into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('cds') eq -1>>Stack your [[CDs|Stack your CDs into a box.]] into a box<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('toys') eq -1>>Pile your [[soft toys|Pile your soft toys into a bag.]] into a bag.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('chessboard') eq -1 and $owned.indexOf('chessboard') gte 0>>Put the [[chessboard|Put the chessboard into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('notebooks') eq -1>>Pack your [[notebooks|Pack your notebooks into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('toaster') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('jars') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('wok') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('kettle') eq -1>>Pack the [[kitchen|Pack the kitchen things into a crate.]] things into a crate.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('craft') eq -1>>Pack your [[craft kit|Pack your craft kit into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('papers') eq -1>>Pile your [[papers|Pile your papers into a crate.]] into a crate<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('black eyeliner') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('silver eyeliner') eq -1>>Put your [[makeup|Put your makeup in your purse.]] into your purse.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('tree') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('unicorns') eq -1>>Check [[under the bed|Check under the bed for anything you've left behind.]] for anything you've left behind.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<else>>\nThere's a honking noise outside the bay window, where the sun shines in. You lift back the net curtains one last time, and see the trailer in the street below.\n\nYou have the keys to the new house, and she's meeting you there this evening with whatever small bits and pieces she can contribute. You have a pile of things, a meagre, nondescript collection. It looks small for something that weighs two years.\n\nIt's time to [[go|act three]].\n<<set $num = 0>>\n<<display 'act2lost'>>\n\n<<endif>>

Finally, your whole life in a hard-shelled suitcase and the taxi ten minutes away, you turn back to the last book on the last shelf in your empty bedroom. A thin red and white volume of poetry, the margins thick with pencil notations and the words soft and buttery from so many readings. You open it and read:\n\n//What will they taste of, the Christmas roses? \nThe bees are flying. They// [[taste the spring|end slate]].\n<<display 'act5lost'>>

<<timedreplace 30s>>you have promised you will take your things and be done by the time he comes home\n<<replacewith>>it is [[time to leave]]<<endtimedreplace>>\n\nin the kitchen <<if $owned.indexOf('toaster') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision toaster>>is the <<timedreplace 20s>><<revise toaster "yellow toaster">><<replacewith>>yellow toaster<<endtimedreplace>> clean and old and pristine<<becomes>>is the toaster you cannot bear to carry any further any more<<set $owned.splice(indexOf('toaster'),1)>><<set $lost.push('toaster')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('jars') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision jars>>are the <<timedreplace 20s>><<revise jars "jars">><<replacewith>>jars<<endtimedreplace>> you used to use for tea and coffee, now full of lentils and pasta,<<becomes>>is a pile of little freezer bags full of pasta shapes and dry lentils<<set $packed.push('jars')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('wok') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision wok>>is the <<timedreplace 20s>><<revise wok "wok">><<replacewith>>wok<<endtimedreplace>> you brought with you and kept seasoned year on year and cooked your anniversary meal in,<<becomes>>is an empty hook in a row of pans where your heavy-based wok hung<<set $packed.push('wok')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('spices') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision spices>>is the <<timedreplace 20s>><<revise spices "spice rack">><<replacewith>>spice rack<<endtimedreplace>> full of chilli powder smoked paprika cayenne pepper fire and burning hot,<<becomes>>is a small sad pile of half-used packets of dried herbs aromatic and green<<set $packed.push('spices')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('tea') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision tea>>is the <<timedreplace 40s>><<revise tea "teapot">><<replacewith>>teapot<<endtimedreplace>> you have used for breakfast every day since you came here and now will have to half fill<<becomes>>is the single sized teapot cup and plate set you bought him last summer<<set $packed.push('tea')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<html> </html><<revision goblet>>is the pair of green glass <<timedreplace 50s>><<revise goblet "goblets">><<replacewith>>goblets<<endtimedreplace>> made from beer bottles you bought together on your first holiday away<<becomes>>is one green glass goblet made from a beer bottle<<set $packed.push('goblet')>><<set $owned.push('goblet')>><<endrevision>>\n\nin the living room<<if $owned.indexOf('bluebell') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision bluebell>>is the <<timedreplace 40s>><<revise bluebell "bluebell drawing">><<replacewith>>bluebell drawing<<endtimedreplace>> that you've hung in every bedroom since your first<<becomes>>is an oval space of paint a little less faded than the rest, and the memory of flowers<<set $packed.push('bluebell')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('folded poster') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision poster>>are a few square <<timedreplace 40s>><<revise poster "posters">><<replacewith>>posters<<endtimedreplace>> almost grey with age and irrelevance<<becomes>>is a pile of folded magazine paper waiting for recycling<<set $packed.push('folded poster')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('collage') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision collage>>is an immense <<timedreplace 60s>><<revise collage "collage">><<replacewith>>collage<<endtimedreplace>> of phrases glued together on sugar paper and tacked to the door<<becomes>>is an empty space where all the words once were<<set $packed.push('collage')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('prints') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision prints>>is the <<timedreplace 40s>><<revise prints "little girl">><<replacewith>>little girl<<endtimedreplace>> releasing her balloon, heart-shaped, releasing it<<becomes>>is a ugly hook sticking out of the far wall, stripped bare<<set $packed.push('prints')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('her cat photos') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision cat>>is a framed photo of <<timedreplace 30s>><<revise cat "Byron">><<replacewith>>Byron<<endtimedreplace>>, the cat you left, who died six months ago<<becomes>>is an empty photo frame<<set $packed.push('her cat photos')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<html> </html><<revision boardgames>>is a stack of <<timedreplace 15s>><<revise boardgames "board games">><<replacewith>>board games<<endtimedreplace>> you played with friends and wine, laughing together in this silent room<<becomes>>is a stack of board games missing just one, a card game of fairy stories in which you compete for your preferred ending<<set $owned.push('once upon a time')>><<set $packed.push('once upon a time')>><<endrevision>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('chessboard') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision chessboard>>are four tall white church candles sitting atop an <<timedreplace 60s>><<revise chessboard "onyx chessboard">><<replacewith>>onyx chessboard<<endtimedreplace>> covered with candle wax<<becomes>>are four white church candles, unevenly burned, set on the folding table<<set $packed.push('chessboard')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('crystals') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision crystals>>is an open box of <<timedreplace 55s>><<revise crystals "crystals">><<replacewith>>crystals<<endtimedreplace>><<if $owned.indexOf('sandstone') gte 0>>and other, duller stones<<endif>><<if $owned.indexOf('opal') gte 0>>, a square of rough opal on top<<endif>>, light glancing off their surfaces<<becomes>>is an almost empty shelf with one quartz point sitting in the centre<<set $packed.push('crystals','opal','sandstone')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('coins') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision coins>>is a double handful of clinking <<timedreplace 20s>><<revise coins "coins">><<replacewith>>coins<<endtimedreplace>> in a blue velvet bag you sewed yourself<<becomes>>is an old 50p piece with seven hands in a circle on its face<<set $packed.push('coins')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\n\nin the bedroom<<if $owned.indexOf('toys') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision toys>>is a stack of <<timedreplace 25s>><<revise toys "soft toys">><<replacewith>>soft toys<<endtimedreplace>>, a bear, a penguin, a hedgehog puppet, the threadbare stupid talking stuffed frog<<becomes>>is a single stuffed penguin<<set $packed.push('toys')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('vintage clothes') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision vintageclothes>>your <<timedreplace 35s>><<revise vintageclothes "lace skirts">><<replacewith>>lace skirts<<endtimedreplace>> hang in your half of the wardrobe, neatly ordered<<becomes>>his clothes hang lonely in the half-empty wardrobe<<set $packed.push('vintage clothes')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('uni clothes') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision uniclothes>>your <<timedreplace 35s>><<revise uniclothes "checked shirts">><<replacewith>>checked shirts<<endtimedreplace>> hang in your half of the wardrobe, neatly ordered<<becomes>>his clothes hang lonely in the half-empty wardrobe<<set $packed.push('uni clothes')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('dress') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision dress>>your neat array of expensive <<timedreplace 35s>><<revise dress "dresses">><<replacewith>>dresses<<endtimedreplace>> hang in your half of the wardrobe, each one a statement<<becomes>>his clothes hang lonely in the half-empty wardrobe<<set $packed.push('dress')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('new clothes') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision newclothes>>a jumble of <<timedreplace 35s>><<revise newclothes "tops and trousers">><<replacewith>>tops and trousers<<endtimedreplace>> overflows from the drawers and wardrobe<<becomes>>his clothes hang lonely in the half-empty wardrobe<<set $packed.push('new clothes')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('vintage boots') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision vintageboots>>your <<timedreplace 45s>><<revise vintageboots "red lace-up boots">><<replacewith>>red lace-up boots<<endtimedreplace>> sit crumpled at the bottom of the wardrobe<<becomes>>his best brown boots sit crumpled at the bottom of the wardrobe<<set $packed.push('vintage boots')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('army boots') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision armyboots>>the black <<timedreplace 25s>><<revise armyboots "army boots">><<replacewith>>army boots<<endtimedreplace>> you stole still sit next to the door<<becomes>>are your ancient wellies, caked in mud<<set $packed.push('army boots')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('trainers') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision trainers>>is your <<timedreplace 30s>><<revise trainers "gym kit">><<replacewith>>gym kit<<endtimedreplace>>, all in its own bag, ready to go<<becomes>>are your dumbbells, too heavy to carry with you<<set $packed.push('trainers')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('cds') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision cds>>is your <<timedreplace 15s>><<revise cds "CD collection">><<replacewith>>CD collection<<endtimedreplace>>, all but inextricably intertwined<<if $owned.indexOf('relaxation music') gte 0>>, and the CD Sally gave you<<endif>><<becomes>>is only the music that no longer matters to you<<set $packed.push('cds')>><<set $packed.push('relaxation music')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<html> </html><<revision shells>>is an oyster <<timedreplace 10s>><<revise shells "shell">><<replacewith>>shell<<endtimedreplace>> he gave you three weeks after your first kiss<<becomes>>is a snail shell you found on the pavement three weeks ago<<set $owned.push('shells')>><<set $packed.push('shells')>><<endrevision>>\n\nin the study<<if $owned.indexOf('camus') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision camus>>are your <<timedreplace 50s>><<revise camus "books">><<replacewith>>books<<endtimedreplace>>, philosophy and politics, piled high with understanding<<becomes>>are his books, sci fi and fantasy, quiet worlds with paper doors<<set $packed.push('camus')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('ellis') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision ellis>>are your <<timedreplace 50s>><<revise ellis "books">><<replacewith>>books<<endtimedreplace>>, shock and black humour, piled high with horror<<becomes>>are his books, sci fi and fantasy, quiet worlds with paper doors<<set $packed.push('ellis')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('austen') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision austen>>are your <<timedreplace 50s>><<revise austen "books">><<replacewith>>books<<endtimedreplace>>, etiquette and elegance, piled high with history<<becomes>>are his books, sci fi and fantasy, quiet worlds with paper doors<<set $packed.push('austen')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('pratchett') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision pratchett>>are your <<timedreplace 50s>><<revise pratchett "books">><<replacewith>>books<<endtimedreplace>>, dreams and drama, each one an escape route<<becomes>>are his books, sci fi and fantasy, quiet worlds with paper doors<<set $packed.push('pratchett')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('textbooks') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision textbooks>>are your <<timedreplace 50s>><<revise textbooks "books">><<replacewith>>books<<endtimedreplace>>, maths and science, piled high with knowledge<<becomes>>are his books, sci fi and fantasy, quiet worlds with paper doors<<set $packed.push('textbooks')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('papers') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision papers>>is a stack of <<timedreplace 13s>><<revise papers "documents">><<replacewith>>documents<<endtimedreplace>>, boring and legal and carefully organised<<becomes>>is a stack of his documents, a passport photo, a telephone bill<<set $packed.push('papers')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('notebooks') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision notebooks>>are dozens of your <<timedreplace 25s>><<revise notebooks "notebooks">><<replacewith>>notebooks<<endtimedreplace>> written thick with poems<<becomes>>are a few of your old notebooks, nothing but useless scraps<<set $packed.push('notebooks')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('writing') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision writing>>is a neat sheaf of <<timedreplace 25s>><<revise writing "printed paper">><<replacewith>>printed paper<<endtimedreplace>>, thirty thousand words, half done<<becomes>>is a plot diagram on the wall made of Post-Its and string and hope<<set $packed.push('writing')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('craft') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision craft>>is your <<timedreplace 30s>><<revise craft "sewing machine">><<replacewith>>sewing machine<<endtimedreplace>>, your bolts of fabric, your threads and pins and patterns<<becomes>>are the messy remnants, things too heavy or small or useless to carry or to craft with<<set $packed.push('craft')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('tree') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision tree>>is your <<timedreplace 60s>><<revise tree "metalwork">><<replacewith>>metalwork<<endtimedreplace>>, your soldering irons and sculptures, your magnetic twisting flowers<<becomes>>are his artworks, twisted fibrous vines, a choking ivy latticework in white<<set $packed.push('tree')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('calligraphy') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision calligraphy>>are your ink pots, your <<timedreplace 15s>><<revise calligraphy "pens">><<replacewith>>pens<<endtimedreplace>>, envelopes and paper, books of stamps, a lifeline <<becomes>>is a stack of old letters from your university friends, tied up with ribbon<<set $packed.push('calligraphy')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('pastels') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision pastels>>are a dozen <<timedreplace 55s>><<revise pastels "portraits">><<replacewith>>portraits<<endtimedreplace>>, etched in lurid pastel pigments <<becomes>>are some stained sponges, some dry canvases, a brush<<set $packed.push('pastels')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('computer') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision computer>>is your <<timedreplace 45s>><<revise computer "computer">><<replacewith>>computer<<endtimedreplace>>, a stack of games on CD sitting on your desk <<becomes>>is a printer, an old monitor, a dead trackball mouse<<set $packed.push('computer')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<html> </html><<revision xbox>>is your <<timedreplace 35s>><<revise xbox "Xbox 360">><<replacewith>>Xbox 360<<endtimedreplace>>, bought one impulsive student loan day so you could play Oblivion <<becomes>>is a small pile of FPS games, most barely touched<<set $owned.push('xbox')>><<set $packed.push('xbox')>><<endrevision>>\n\nin the bathroom<<if $owned.indexOf('razor') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision razor>>is a packet of double sided <<timedreplace 60s>><<revise razor "razor blades">><<replacewith>>razor blades<<endtimedreplace>><<becomes>>are a few gauze dressings, unused<<set $packed.push('razor')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('hair dye') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision hair>>is a selection of pots of Directions <<timedreplace 25s>><<revise hair "hair dye">><<replacewith>>hair dye<<endtimedreplace>><<becomes>>is a set of expensive clippers that are not yours to take<<set $packed.push('hair dye')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('black eyeliner') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision blackeyes>>are your <<timedreplace 20s>><<revise blackeyes "black eyeliner pencils">><<replacewith>>black eyeliner pencils<<endtimedreplace>>, most half used, and a single mascara wand<<becomes>>is the red lipstick he bought you, unused<<set $packed.push('black eyeliner')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('silver eyeliner') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision silvereyes>>is your <<timedreplace 20s>><<revise silvereyes "silver eyeliner">><<replacewith>>silver eyeliner<<endtimedreplace>> and a stack of old, smoky eyeshadow<<becomes>>is the red lipstick he bought you, unused<<set $packed.push('silver eyeliner')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('brown eyeliner') gte 0>><html> </html><<revision browneyes>>is your <<timedreplace 20s>><<revise browneyes "brown eyeliner">><<replacewith>>brown eyeliner<<endtimedreplace>> and a stack of brand new foundation and powder<<becomes>>is the red lipstick he bought you, unused<<set $packed.push('brown eyeliner')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('silver eyeliner') eq -1 and $owned.indexOf('black eyeliner') eq -1 and $owned.indexOf('brown eyeliner') eq -1>><html> </html><<revision blueeyes>>is your <<timedreplace 20s>><<revise blueeyes "blue eyeshadow">><<replacewith>>blue eyeshadow<<endtimedreplace>> you bought to wear for your second anniversary meal and haven't since<<becomes>>is the red lipstick he bought you, unused<<set $packed.push('blue eyeshadow')>><<endrevision>><<endif>>

there. you are different now from who you were before.\n<<set $owned.push('hair dye')>><<set $packed.push('hair dye')>>\n<<display 'weak'>>

There is nothing in the world so hard as letting go, watching everything slip through your fingers. There is nothing so easy as doing it for a [[second time]].\n

<<if $i lt $owned.length>>\n<<set $test = $owned[$i]>>\n<<if $packed.indexOf($test) eq -1>>\n<<set $owned.splice($owned.indexOf($test),1)>>\n<<set $lost.push($test)>>\n<<endif>>\n<<set $i += 1>>\n<<display 'act4lost'>>\n<<endif>>\n

<<if $unpack lte 2>>\s\n<<if $day eq 0>>Day one. They tell you a new girl is moving in to your flat in four days. You will have to be quick.<<set $day = 1>>\n<<endif>>\nYou have <<if $boxes eq 0>>0<<else>><<print $boxes>><<endif>> big, thick cardboard <<if $boxes eq 1>>box<<else>>boxes<<endif>>, <<if $binbags eq 0>>0<<else>><<print $binbags>><<endif>> <<if $binbags eq 1>>binbag<<else>>binbags<<endif>> and <<if $crates eq 0>>0<<else>><<print $crates>><<endif>> <<if $crates eq 1>>crate<<else>>crates<<endif>>. What will you pack today?\n\n<<if $packed.indexOf('camus') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('ellis') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('austen') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('pratchett') eq -1>>Put the [[books|Put the books into a crate.]] into a crate.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('grunge clothes') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('vintage clothes') eq -1>>Put the [[clothes|Put the clothes into a bin bag.]] into a bin bag.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('crystals') eq -1 and $owned.indexOf('crystals') gte 0>>Pack the [[crystals|Pack the crystals into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('rolled poster') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('folded poster') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('collage') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('bluebell') eq -1>>Put the [[posters|Put the posters into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('cds') eq -1>>Stack your [[CDs|Stack your CDs into a box.]] into a box<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('toys') eq -1>>Pile your [[soft toys|Pile your soft toys into a bag.]] into a bag.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('chessboard') eq -1 and $owned.indexOf('chessboard') gte 0>>Put the [[chessboard|Put the chessboard into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('notebooks') eq -1>>Pack your [[notebooks|Pack your notebooks into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<else>>\nYou have packed all day, and you are weary. Your bed is still your bed. You can curl up here with a good book, while away the hours until it's time to start it all again. Till [[tomorrow|day two]].\n<<endif>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>The heavy stacks of textbooks and complex manuals still sit on your wooden shelf four years after university finished.\n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>do not be ridiculous, even one would take you over your weight limit<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>there is a company that makes confetti out of old textbooks. you leave them in a box outside their office. they will be someone's smiles of joy.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>you list them on Abebooks. let them be someone else's doorways. the paltry sum you get will pay for packaging.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>Your Xbox 360 has had a lot of use in the last few years. Your game collection now takes up most of a shelf. Your gamer score is in five figures. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take it with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You wrap it in jumpers and tuck socks around it. You slip your game discs one by one into a thin folder. If you need to, if it's too heavy, you can afford a power supply when you get there.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take it with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave it behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You unplug everything and take it to Computer Exchange, along with every last one of the games. They give you less than you'd hoped but more than you'd expected. Perhaps it will buy you a whale-watching trip, come spring.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave it behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give it away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>Your nephews are eight and twelve. You wrap Viva Pinata and Lego Star Wars together and take round as many Skylanders as you can find. <<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give it away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<set $leave = 1>>\s\n<<if $endifleave eq 1>>\s\n<<set $done += 1>>\s\n<<set $had.splice($had.indexOf($test),1)>>\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<display $test>>\s

<<silently>>\n<<set $owned.push('grunge clothes')>>\n<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\nYou no longer have to wear a school uniform, which means maybe you need different clothes, but you've no money and no time to find them. This is what you have: a pair of jeans that are ripped at the knees, deliberately; a t-shirt with a yawning kitten on the front; an enormous jumper you like to wear when you're sad, so you can feel small and quiet at the centre of it; a set of pyjamas with stupid monkeys on. You hate the monkeys.\n\n[[Take them all out.]]

<<set $owned.push('black eyeliner')>>\s\nYou're sixteen years old. You have a pair of black Doc Martens and some ripped jeans and a lot of black eyeliner. You have a marble chessboard and no frying pan. Soon you'll learn how to cook bacon on an iron and spaghetti in a kettle. You'll set fire to the table in an Indian takeout by accident and drink too much vodka and your friends will carry you home. You think you're jaded. It's all still to come.\n\n<<display 'zips buzz'>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 0>>Your hair is neither pink nor blue but you have a stash of pots and tubes kept under your sink in case of hair emergency. They are vegan. Some are years old. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>Stash the good ones in a plastic bag at the bottom of your luggage, with a spare comb. In case of hair emergency.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>Throw them away. Do not think twice about the girl who spent six carefully saved pounds at a time on each one, in order to become someone else.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>Ask a dozen friends with brown and black and blonde hair if they want a rainbow box of other options. Find no one. Five years ago they would have taken them in seconds.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<if $crates gte 1>><<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<set $crates = $crates - 1>>\n<<if $owned.indexOf('toaster') gte 0>>\s\n<<set $packed.push('toaster')>>\s\nEverything needs cleaning. Everything. You run a scalding hot bowl of water and Safeway's own brand washing up liquid, bright and synthetic smelling, and methodically begin washing up. It has been six months or more since you cleaned the kitchen walls properly, or really scoured the side. The inside of the microwave defeats you.\n\nDry, clean, still hot, you pack it all away. You leave the toaster on the side, with a single plate, knife and fork, glass and mug, for your last few breakfasts here. Cleaning the crumb tray can wait.\n<<else if $owned.indexOf('kettle') gte 0>>\s\n<<set $owned.splice($owned.indexOf('kettle'),1)>>\s\n<<set $packed.push('kettle')>>\s\n<<set $lost.push('kettle')>>\s\nIt's had a good life, your kettle. It was third- or fourth-hand when you got it, passed from student to uncle to friend to you by some circuitous route, and you've drunk two cups of coffee and one of tea every day since you came here. But if you're honest, it's not been the same since you ran out of cash without a saucepan and had to use it to boil spaghetti. You do the mental maths: you can get a new one, if you only spend a tenner. You know a place. It'll be a treat for the new house.\n\nYou stuff it in an old Kwik Save bag, put it next to the bin, and carry on wrapping plates in old copies of the free Metro newspaper.\n<<else if $owned.indexOf('jars') gte 0>>\s\n<<set $packed.push('jars')>>\s\nAll the jars are half full: tea, coffee, sugar. Packets of rice and pasta, cheap own brands. She'll help you carry the crate. It won't matter how heavy it is, once the plates are stacked and the bowls and glasses wrapped in newspaper and added to the top. You can put it at the top of the trailer, take care not to break the fragile things. She doesn't have her own things, but you don't mind sharing yours. You will need to buy a bed, but for now a sleeping bag will do. The jars are half full, and you add them to the crate, and it gets heavier with everything you carefully stash inside.\n<<else>>\s\n<<set $owned.push('wok')>><<set $packed.push('wok')>>\s\nYou still don't have much in your kitchen, but pride of place in the crate goes to a heavy wok you found in a charity shop one lazy summer Saturday. It cost you ten pounds, more than you spent on anything else aside from bus passes for six months or more, and you used it for everything. You didn't have much else. You bought fiver value packs of chicken thighs and sausages and learned, by trial and error and some hungry Wednesdays before benefits came on Thursday, how to feed yourself cheaply. You are still learning.\n<<endif>>\s\n<<else>>\s\nYou have no more boxes. You will have to pack something else, for now.\n<<endif>>\s\n\n<<if $day eq 1>><<display 'day one'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 2>><<display 'day two'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 3>><<display 'day three'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 4>><<display 'day four'>><<endif>>\n

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>Four packets of loose leaf tea and a china teapot, rainbow striped. Do they drink tea where you’re going? Green or black? With milk or without?\n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>They won’t let you; the tea is a hazard. Quarantine is serious. You the outsider must not bring in the outside.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>Drink the last cup in your empty kitchen, staring at the pock-marked walls. Chuck the foil-wrapped parcels in the bin as you walk out of the front door for the last time.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>A parcel goes to your aunt in Lancashire. The teapot doesn’t make it safely there; she promises to plant pansies in the broken spout.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\s\n<<set $owned.push('tree')>>\s\n<<set $packed.push('tree')>>\s\nYou pull the metal bedframe away from the wall, uncovering a patch of dust and hair that's not been vacuumed since you moved in. Amid the grot and grunge is an unexpected thing: a sculpture of sorts made from wire, twisted together to form a spreading tree. You were proud of the tree, but she told you she didn't really think it looked like much. You remember hiding it, now it stares you in the face.\n\nYou grab the Henry from the downstairs cleaning cupboard and give the floor a quick once-over before you push the bed back to where it belongs, with a ray of sunshine from the window just hitting the pillow.\n\n<<display 'day four'>>

<<if $day eq 1>>Day two. A friend whose father has a trailer has volunteered to come round the day after tomorrow, in the afternoon, and take your things away. As much as you can pack before he arrives.<<set $day = 2>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $unpack lte 5>>\nYou have <<if $boxes eq 0>>0<<else>><<print $boxes>><<endif>> big, thick cardboard <<if $boxes eq 1>>box<<else>>boxes<<endif>>, <<if $binbags eq 0>>0<<else>><<print $binbags>><<endif>> <<if $binbags eq 1>>binbag<<else>>binbags<<endif>> and <<if $crates eq 0>>0<<else>><<print $crates>><<endif>> <<if $crates eq 1>>crate<<else>>crates<<endif>>. What will you pack today?\n\n<<if $packed.indexOf('camus') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('ellis') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('austen') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('pratchett') eq -1>>Put the [[books|Put the books into a crate.]] into a crate.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('grunge clothes') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('vintage clothes') eq -1>>Put the [[clothes|Put the clothes into a bin bag.]] into a bin bag.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('crystals') eq -1 and $owned.indexOf('crystals') gte 0>>Pack the [[crystals|Pack the crystals into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('rolled poster') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('folded poster') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('collage') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('bluebell') eq -1>>Put the [[posters|Put the posters into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('cds') eq -1>>Stack your [[CDs|Stack your CDs into a box.]] into a box<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('toys') eq -1>>Pile your [[soft toys|Pile your soft toys into a bag.]] into a bag.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('chessboard') eq -1 and $owned.indexOf('chessboard') gte 0>>Put the [[chessboard|Put the chessboard into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('notebooks') eq -1>>Pack your [[notebooks|Pack your notebooks into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('toaster') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('jars') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('wok') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('kettle') eq -1>>Pack the [[kitchen|Pack the kitchen things into a crate.]] things into a crate.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('craft') eq -1>>Pack your [[craft kit|Pack your craft kit into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('papers') eq -1>>Pile your [[papers|Pile your papers into a crate.]] into a crate<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<else>>\nYou have packed all day, and you are weary. Your bed is still your bed. You can curl up here with a good book, while away the hours until it's time to start it all again. Till [[tomorrow|day three]].\n<<endif>>\n

you put her shoes back by the front door full of paint and her boots in a thin cardboard box and pack your classics in on top of them\nyou will be the sort of person who does not stand for this\n<<set $statement.push('You will be the sort of person who takes revenge.')>><<set $owned.push('army boots')>><<set $packed.push('army boots')>>\n<<display 'weak'>>

take a deep breath\n\n<<timedinsert 2s>><<timedremove 2s>>this is the home you made together<<endtimedremove>><<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 4.5s>><<timedremove 2s>>this is the home you have decided to leave alone<<endtimedremove>><<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 7s>>this is [[not your home]] any more<<endtimedinsert>>

<<set $lost.push('relaxation music')>>You don't need it. Sally only gave it to you so you'd help her again, really. Three days later she was back chasing the dragon in the shared living room, then waiting outside for shady blokes to come by in good cars to pick her and Rachel up. She's never kept you safe. A CD doesn't change anything.\n\nYou never listen to it anyway.\n\n<<if $day eq 1>><<display 'day one'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 2>><<display 'day two'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 3>><<display 'day three'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 4>><<display 'day four'>><<endif>>\n

<<set $owned.push('collage')>>\s\nYou've collected these for a few months now. Words and phrases isolated, torn from their moorings on printed pages, and given new life - you like to think - by being recombined together. You like the unusual juxtapositions they make. You like to see new angles on their language. A headline from a girly magazine you're too old for now, a pull quote from a PlayStation 2 game review, a Honda ad - HATE SOMETHING? CHANGE SOMETHING.\n\nYou pull a finger-length curl of Blu-Tak from the packet, sit crosslegged by your new front door, and set to work. When you finish, fifteen minutes later, you have spattered the dark wood with bright cut-up polemic.\n\n<<display 'zips buzz'>>

<<set $owned.push('austen')>>"She saw, that in persuading herself, in fancying, in acting to the contrary, she had been entirely under a delusion, totally ignorant of her own heart." \n\nEmma is your favourite: a story of a woman who tries to set up all of her friends in stupid, unsuitable matches, only to realise one of them fancies herself a suitable partner for the man she herself loves. It's the description of the realisation that draws you in, every time. \n\nYou put it on the shelf alongside Austen's other books and a few other Penguin classics: Jane Eyre, The Phantom of the Opera, a few Dickenses. A gorgeous hardback copy of Gulliver's Travels with illustrations goes up last. \n\n<<display 'zips buzz'>>

<<set $owned.push('kettle')>>\s\nA kettle's such a basic thing you couldn't even imagine making this move without one. You've been living on black instant coffee made so thick you could stand a spoon in it. Where you were before, they'd make you a cup in the mornings and put it on your desk, in your room, as far away from your bed as possible, so you physically had to get up to reach it. Bribery, of a sort. You'll have to make your own, here, now you're better. You have to put it in the kitchen. Putting it within reach of the bed is cheating.\n\n<<display 'zips buzz'>>

Act Five\n[[On A Plain|packing for Sydney]]\n<<set $packed = []>>\n<<set $take = 0>>\n<<set $give = 0>>\n<<set $leave = 0>>\n<<fadeoutsound $straydawn >>\n<<fadeinsound $sea >>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>Your running shoes are knackered from the pounding you have given them in the last three years, but they are usable still. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You have miles to go before you sleep. You will need them.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>They are exhausted. You can always get more.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>The homeless shelter has a locked metal box outside where you can donate clothes and shoes. It seems appropriate.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<silently>>\n<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\s\nScattered on top of your other bits and pieces are a few glossy scraps of paper. Some you took from music magazines, from NME and Melody Maker, and [[folded them carefully along well-scored lines|Mayfield folded poster]]. A few you bought with saved pocket money, and [[rolled into neat tubes|rolled poster]] when you took them down from your old bedroom walls. And there's a little folder of [[clipped and torn scraps|collage poster]], maybe twenty or so, culled from half a dozen sources and already worn with Blu-Tak.

<<set $owned.push('rolled poster')>>\s\nYou pick out one of the big, busy posters you used to have on the walls next to your bed, a massive matrix of cartoon yellow faces wearing different expressions and accessories. One has a thermometer sticking out of its mouth. Another wears a Tam o'Shanter cap. They still make you smile. You warm your Blu-Tak between your hands and stick the poster up on the wall behind your bedstead, in case you still have trouble sleeping.\n<<display 'zips buzz'>>

<<if $binbags gte 1>><<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<set $binbags = $binbags - 1>><<set $owned.push('toys')>><<set $packed.push('toys')>>\nWhen you arrived here, you didn't have anything that could really be described as a toy. Now you've grown up a little, things to cuddle are no longer such a threat. You have a couple, sentimental things: a blue fluffy frog given to you by the guitarist in your short-lived college band, and an oddity, a big circular yellow face with a smile on one side and a sad from on the other. It hangs on your wall, a strip of tape across one side of it that says DO NOT USE. You stuff them both in a bag, along with a ridiculously small backpack shaped like Feathers McGraw from Wallace and Gromit, and add it to the small pile of packing.\n<<else>>\nYou have no more bags. You will have to pack something else, for now.\n<<endif>>\n<<if $day eq 1>><<display 'day one'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 2>><<display 'day two'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 3>><<display 'day three'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 4>><<display 'day four'>><<endif>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>Your wardrobe is full of individual elements. Each day you pull yourself together from the clothes of dozens of people before you, making yourself new. Your drawers are bursting. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>It takes you hours of folding and hanging, judging and deciding, and eventually twenty minutes of sitting on top of the suitcase and grappling with the zips. At the end of it you have wrangled the vast majority of your clothes into your bags. You will be all yourselves, even far away.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>It is quietly heartbreaking. You eBay everything, building up a little cash to spend when you land on restocking your wardrobe. Some things are surprisingly lucrative, but most go for pennies. Each one you pack fastidiously with a little thank-you note to the buyer.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>They go in bits and pieces, one outfit at a time. You send all your bracelets to one friend, all your belts to another. In the pub, three nights before you leave, seven of your friends are wearing things you have given them. You spread yourself wide.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 0>>Your old wok is, well, old. Ancient and heavy, and not even your best efforts at preservation have been able to keep the non-stick coating from unsticking and the metal from being scraped. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take it with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>Too big, too heavy, too cumbersome. Besides, when you arrive there will be cheap new woks in all the supermarkets.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take it with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave it behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You've eaten more hot meals out of it than you can count. You make one last chicken stir fry before throwing it away, still dirty.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave it behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give it away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>It is huge and old and stained and dull, and all of your friends have enough money now to disdain an ancient cooking pan that has no value to anyone but you.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give it away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<set $owned.push('new clothes')>><<set $packed.push('new clothes')>>\s\ngo out.\ngo and spend forty pounds on new things.\ngo to tiny little clothes shops in the back alleys in the city with EVERYTHING MUST GO signs on them.\nbuy things that are too small for you.\nbuy men's jumpers for less than five pounds.\nbuy new jeans for fifteen in the sale.\nthey may not be perfect\nbut at least you will be a [[different you]].

<<if $boxes gte 1>><<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<set $boxes = $boxes - 1>><<set $owned.push('notebooks')>><<set $packed.push('notebooks')>>\s\nYou never finish notebooks. You find it hard to start them. Often you'll write on a few pages at the start then tear them out days later, feeling the book somehow spoiled by the imperfections in your writing. Three notebooks are thus far unused, and pregnant therefore with the possibility of getting it right this time. You pack each one into the box, even the ones with no clean pages left, to guard against the past rotting away.\n<<else>>\nYou have no more boxes. You will have to pack something else, for now.\n<<endif>>\n<<if $day eq 1>><<display 'day one'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 2>><<display 'day two'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 3>><<display 'day three'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 4>><<display 'day four'>><<endif>>

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\s\n<<if $option1 eq 'collects things'>><<set $person.push($option2,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option2 eq 'collects things'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option3 eq 'collects things'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option2)>><<endif>>\s\n<<set $statement.push('You will be the sort of person who collects things.')>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('crystals') gte 0>>\n<<set $owned.push('sandstone','opal')>><<set $packed.push('sandstone','opal','crystals')>>\s\nYou still have your stones. There are more now. You have:\n\na piece of sandstone she brought you from a ruined hilltop castle; it is ancient and it is ruined and it collapses a little more every time you run your fingers over it [[throw it away]]\n\na tiny square of rough opal in slate, the opal is blue and green pearlescent and even though it is cracked and unusable for jewels you have loved it since you found it, loved it because it was quiet and small and brooken and beautiful, full of [[the sea]]\n\nall of them, all of your crystals, you will take them with you and place them on your bookshelf, they will be hard to dust and you will fail to keep them clean but they will each one be familiar and warm to your fingers at midnight in a strange city\n\n<<else>><<set $owned.push('coins)>><<set $packed.push('coins')>>\nA year ago she gave you a parcel of old coins, pennies and cents and francs you couldn't use any more, a stack of useless worthless money wrapped in a quilted bag. It was to say sorry. It was a sorry present three days after she forgot your birthday and drank all the vodka and got so drunk she threw up on the sofa. You were 19 for less than twenty hours before you cleaned up after her and sat silently in the dark house listening to her snore. Three days later she gave you the coins. The contrition is worth holding on to. The stains are her fucking problem now.\n<<endif>>\n<<display 'weak'>>

try { \n macros['display'].handler = function (a,b,c,d){ \n try { \n new \nWikifier(a,tale.get(eval(d.fullArgs())).text) \n } catch(e) { \n new Wikifier(a,tale.get(c[0]).text) \n } \n } \n} catch(e) { throwError(place,"Error in Custom Macros Code!"); } \n

<<if $day eq 2>>She calls. It's a week since you've seen her and she sounds distracted. Still no job despite everything, but she has been put on a course. The job centre will send her on forestry training next month. She tells you she loves you. You tell her you love her. You eat a single slice of toast and drink two cups of coffee before you start.<html> </html><<set $day = 3>><<endif>>\n<<if $unpack lte 8>><<if $materials eq 0>>You're starting to run low on packing materials. You can [[go out and get some more|go out for packing materials]], but it might take a while.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\nYou have <<if $boxes eq 0>>0<<else>><<print $boxes>><<endif>> big, thick cardboard <<if $boxes eq 1>>box<<else>>boxes<<endif>>, <<if $binbags eq 0>>0<<else>><<print $binbags>><<endif>> <<if $binbags eq 1>>binbag<<else>>binbags<<endif>> and <<if $crates eq 0>>0<<else>><<print $crates>><<endif>> <<if $crates eq 1>>crate<<else>>crates<<endif>>. What will you pack today?\n\n<<if $packed.indexOf('camus') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('ellis') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('austen') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('pratchett') eq -1>>Put the [[books|Put the books into a crate.]] into a crate.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('grunge clothes') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('vintage clothes') eq -1>>Put the [[clothes|Put the clothes into a bin bag.]] into a bin bag.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('crystals') eq -1 and $owned.indexOf('crystals') gte 0>>Pack the [[crystals|Pack the crystals into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('rolled poster') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('folded poster') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('collage') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('bluebell') eq -1>>Put the [[posters|Put the posters into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('cds') eq -1>>Stack your [[CDs|Stack your CDs into a box.]] into a box<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('toys') eq -1>>Pile your [[soft toys|Pile your soft toys into a bag.]] into a bag.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('chessboard') eq -1 and $owned.indexOf('chessboard') gte 0>>Put the [[chessboard|Put the chessboard into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('notebooks') eq -1>>Pack your [[notebooks|Pack your notebooks into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('toaster') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('jars') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('wok') eq -1 and $packed.indexOf('kettle') eq -1>>Pack the [[kitchen|Pack the kitchen things into a crate.]] things into a crate.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('craft') eq -1>>Pack your [[craft kit|Pack your craft kit into a box.]] into a box.<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $packed.indexOf('papers') eq -1>>Pile your [[papers|Pile your papers into a crate.]] into a crate<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<else>>\nYou have packed all day, and you are weary. [[Tomorrow|day four]] afternoon the trailer comes. You can leave a few things here and come back for them, if you need to. Surely.\n<<endif>>

You take each item carefully out of the suitcase, shake it out, then fold it up again. They do not even begin to fill the space in your drawers and your wardrobe. You pause over the monkey pyjamas, but in the end you fold them anyway and put them in the top drawer, with your underwear. In three weeks' time you will wear them to bed again, with the enormous jumper, because the blankets are thin and the radiators insufficient.\n\n<<display 'zips buzz'>>

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<if $option1 eq 'drinks tea'>><<set $person.push($option2,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option2 eq 'drinks tea'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option3 eq 'drinks tea'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option2)>><<endif>><<set $statement.push('You will be the sort of person who drinks tea.')>>\s\n<<set $owned.push('tea')>><<set $packed.push('tea')>>In your cupboard there will be six different kinds of tea, black and green both. You won't count the herbal teas or the peppermint. You'll have tea bags and loose leaf teas and two teapots, a small one just for you and a big one for company. You will have a lot of company. Everyone will want to come and sit in your kitchen and eat a slice of cake. You will learn to bake. You are going to make so many friends.\n<<display 'weak'>>

It takes you less than an hour to pack your sparse flat into a single suitcase and three large binbags. The only things you hesitate over are a piece of sea glass, picked up on the beach near your workplace, and a hand-drawn cartoon that sits next to your bed. You wake up to it every day.\n\nIn the end the cartoon goes in your bag and the glass in your pocket. Worn smooth, it fits your hand perfectly. It is time to find new waves. \n\nThe taxi's here. It's time to [[leave|end slate]].

<<if $unpack eq 0>>No no never again.<<endif>>\n<<set $num = 0>>\s\n<<set $index1 = Math.floor(Math.random()*$person.length)>>\s\n<<set $option1 = $person.splice($index1,1)>>\s\n<<set $index2 = Math.floor(Math.random()*$person.length)>>\s\n<<set $option2 = $person.splice($index2,1)>>\s\n<<set $index3 = Math.floor(Math.random()*$person.length)>>\s\n<<set $option3 = $person.splice($index3,1)>>\s\n<<display 'statement'>>\n<<if $unpack eq 6>>You will [[never be hurt again|act four]].\n<<set $i = 0>>\s\n<<display 'act3lost'>>\s\n<<else>>\n<<print "You will be the sort of person who [[" + $option1 + "]].">>\n<<print "You will be the sort of person who [[" + $option2 + "]].">>\n<<print "You will be the sort of person who [[" + $option3 + "]].">>\n<<endif>>\n

you can't\n\nthis is a dead end\n\n<<timedinsert 2s>>you have to go on<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 4.5s>>[[go on]]<<endtimedinsert>>

Act 1\n[[Come As You Are|Mayfield unpacking]]\n<<fadeinsound $city>>

<<if $binbags gte 1>><<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<set $binbags = $binbags-2>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('grunge clothes') gte 0>>\s\n<<set $packed.push('grunge clothes')>>\s\nSome of your clothes are getting threadbare and worn, but you are determined not to let anything go to waste. You still wear everything, even the torn jeans with the Nirvana acid smiley face drawn on in felt tip pen. You don't have enough trousers to stop wearing the ones that don't suit you any more, or that you've come to realise never did. You still own no skirts, nothing that would mark you out as female, nothing that makes you look weak or vulnerable.\n\nYou pile your clothes one item at a time into the bag. The monkey pyjamas are the last thing to go in. You decide a monkey is an acceptable level of weakness, if you're in bed. She's the only person who will see you like that, anyway. She won't take advantage. She wouldn't.\n<<else>>\s\n<<set $owned.push('vintage clothes','vintage boots')>><<set $packed.push('vintage clothes','vintage boots')>>\s\nYou have a few bits and pieces you wore for college, a mash of thrown together charity shop items that somehow you made work. You fought hard for this collection. Pride of place belongs to a pair of knee high red leather boots, 4 quid from the vintage shop down the end of the high street. One hook is missing, but they lace up fine. You pile everything together into a binbag, and then another. When you are done it looks like such a small assortment. Two sad sacks.\n<<endif>>\s\n<<else>>\s\nYou have no more bags. You will have to pack something else, for now.\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $day eq 1>><<display 'day one'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 2>><<display 'day two'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 3>><<display 'day three'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 4>><<display 'day four'>><<endif>>\s\n

<<silently>>\n<<set $owned = []>>\n<<set $lost = []>>\n<<set $unpack = 0>>\n<<endsilently>>\s\nYou unlock the door with a freshly cut key, cold in your hot hands, and walk into a broad beige room. The carpet is thin under your feet and the walls are painted the colour of boredom. There is a bay window, even though you are on the second floor, with plain net curtains that prevent much light from breaking in.\n\nYou swing your small suitcase up onto the single bed, and the white-painted metal frame squeaks under the unexpected extra weight. It will squeak like that every time you turn over under the thin blankets for the next six months. It will [[wake you up|act one]].

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>You still have your chunk of raw opal. Nine months ago you asked a friend to bore a hole in the slate. You wear it sometimes as a pendant. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take it with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You will wear it on the plane. You will wear it on the beach. You will wear it every day until it moulds to your skin and becomes a part of you.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take it with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave it behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>There will be plenty more where you are going. It is time to give this one back to the sea. On a hot bright morning you throw it off Tower Bridge. It sinks without trace.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave it behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give it away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You cheat, in the end, and give it to your husband. He wears it next to his skin. You are etched in him, and he in you. At night you will sleep with all the windows open.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give it away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\s\n<<if $option1 eq 'is calm'>><<set $person.push($option2,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option2 eq 'is calm'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option3 eq 'is calm'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option2)>><<endif>>\s\n<<set $statement.push('You will be the sort of person who is calm.')>><<set $packedcalm = 1>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('relaxation music') gte 0>><<set $packed.push('relaxation music')>>\nYou've been using that relaxation CD more and more the last few months. But it's not enough. Music can't heal you no matter how much Sally wanted it to. Breathing deeply doesn't do anything. \n\nYou have to stand up for yourself too.\n\nYou are not going to coil in on yourself any more.\nYou are going to be smooth and centred and see the whole world with a detachment born of strength.\nYou will be //fucking invincible this time//\n<<else>><<set $owned.push('trainers')>><<set $packed.push('trainers')>>\nYou need to be strong. Calm and strong like a bar of metal, like a deep ocean.\n\nYou pack your new trainers deep in your rucksack so she can't find them and destroy them before you leave.\n\nYou will take your first Taekwondo lesson the day you arrive. You will get bored of inner peace and courtesy pretty fast and move on to kickboxing. You will never, ever get to punch her.\n<<endif>>\n<<display 'weak'>>

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\n<<if $option1 eq 'looks awesome'>><<set $person.push($option2,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option2 eq 'looks awesome'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option3 eq 'looks awesome'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option2)>><<endif>>\s\n<<set $statement.push('You will be the sort of person who looks awesome.')>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('grunge clothes') gte 0>><<set $lost.push('grunge clothes')>>\s\nthis is NOT YOU ANY MORE. [[throw it all away]].\n<<else if $owned.indexOf('vintage clothes') gte 0>><<set $packed.push('vintage clothes')>>\s\nYou have been collecting since you moved in with her: vintage dresses, hats, a trouser suit you found in Age Concern, a warm winter coat that's a little threadbare but only on the elbows. You leave behind her favourite outfit, the one she used to make you wear to the pub with her friends. The rest you bundle into sacks, taking care not to snag old lace or scuff leather.\n\n<<display 'weak'>>\n<<else>>\s\n<<set $owned.push('uni clothes')>><<set $packed.push('uni clothes')>>How do students dress, anyway? Is it like school? Are there tribes that wear certain things and will you be shunned if you don't fit in?\n\nIn the end you buy yourself a checked shirt and a new-looking pair of jeans from the charity shop on the corner, and decide to make do. You will have to do just as you are.\n\n<<display 'weak'>>\n<<endif>>\n

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>When will you wear your red boots? They go with three outfits that you rarely if ever wear. They are frayed at the edges despite the care you've taken of them. You will have to find polish for them. They take up so much room.\n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>Cram them into your hand luggage with underwear shoved in the legs. Wear them your third day there when you go out for your first meal and hold hands as the sun sets. Show them the world.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>Too cracked, too old. Not you any more anyway. You don't need the reminder.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>Put them in tissue in an oversized shoe box and post them to a niece growing so fast she can't buy nice shoes. Never ask if she wears them.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

newsmary

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 0>>Your spice rack has grown. You have learned to cook complicated layered foods and mix your own garam masala. You are the sort of cook who has six kinds of vinegar and uses every one. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>Quarantine forbids you to take food with you, and so does common sense.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You cook one enormous final meal for the friends who visit you from far-off cities. People you have not seen for six months or more eat off paper plates and balance precariously on not enough chairs. In the morning you empty the vinegar down the sink and throw dozens of bagged spices away.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>Half-empty bottles and open packets do not make good gifts. You can't even donate them. Condiments aren't food.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

It will be weeks before you have to go back to college. You have weeks to become accustomed to this place. You do not yet know how to fry a chicken breast or clean a sink. You have plenty to learn.\n\nYou have a small kitchen. You have a dark brown wardrobe made from cheap chipboard. You have a chest of three wide drawers with white bases and brown plastic handles. You have a coffee table. You have a single shelf. Your suitcase needs unpacking. The [[zips buzz]].

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>On your wall hangs the print of the girl letting go of her balloon. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take it with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>It will not fit your luggage or the flight. You cannot take it.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take it with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave it behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>It hangs here fine; the light from the window falls on her upturned face. You leave it hanging when you leave.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave it behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give it away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>Your sister takes it away with her, the last time you see her before you leave.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give it away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>The bag of old coins sits on the highest shelf in your house, useless and heavy. Victorian pennies and old European coins from before everything joined together in one homogenous, hopefull mass. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>They are heavy. They are too heavy for the plane, but you can take one. A penny so worn you can barely make out the date, more than a century old. It fits the palm of your hand, or a hip pocket.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You take them to a collectibles shop, where an old man with no hair paws through them with his stubby fingers. You leave clutching a few measly notes that you'll need to spend anyway, before you leave.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You phone an old friend from the hostel. The kid she was pregnant with then is ten years old, now. You drink coffee together in the park while he plays on the swings. He goes home with heavy, jingling pockets.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<set $packed = []>><<set $plath = 0>>You have a new suitcase. It took nearly two weeks to be delivered from an Amazon seller in Denmark somewhere. It's bright red with a hard shell, so it won't be damaged on the plane. You've bought new luggage tags, but you don't know what address to write on them, so for now there's just your name and a phone number that probably won't work, where [[you're going]].

<<set $owned.push('plath')>>Wait, no, there is one. A slim book of poems, red and white, cased in a thick plastic protector. You took it home from school one day and never took it back. Many of the poems are scored with pencil underlines and margin marks. Fever 103. Daddy, daddy, you bastard. Most marked is Lady Lazarus.\n\n//Dying\nIs an art, like everything else.\nI do it exceptionally well.//\n\nYou calligraphed that quote on all your notebooks for a year and a half.\n\n<<display 'zips buzz'>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 0>>A little purple pencil case in your bathroom holds black eyeliner and mascara that you barely use, these days, except for special occasions.\n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You might need your armour. And it is no weight at all.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>It is old. Throw it away; if you need more it will not be hard to come by.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>No one wants your makeup. It is not a mask that can be passed from hand to hand.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

Just like real life, this game will not let you save or refresh the page or use the browser buttons to go backwards without breaking. Also just like real life, it probably won't work in Internet Explorer 8 or below. \n\n[[Detritus|realstart]]\n<<set $sea = 'sea.mp3'>>\n<<set $storm = 'storm.mp3'>>\n<<set $straydawn = 'straydawn.mp3'>>\n<<set $homedawn = 'homedawn.mp3'>>\n<<set $city = 'city.mp3'>>\n<<set $total = 53>>

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('black eyeliner') gte 0>>\s\n<<set $packed.push('black eyeliner')>>\s\nYou don't have much makeup that you wear any more. You never looked good in foundation and your skin's too dry to take it most days. You used to wear purple lipstick, but it bled at the corners of your mouth and made you look Joker-like, clownish. You have a pot of white powder, an old mascara wand from Boots and four black eyeliner pencils. You throw the rest away.\n<<else>>\s\n<<set $packed.push('silver eyeliner')>>\s\n<<set $owned.push('silver eyeliner')>>\s\nYou started wearing metallic, smoky eyeshadow last year along with half the rest of college. You have a little stack of very unsubtle shades, white through black with greys and silvers between. Brown has never suited you. Some days you put on your silver eyeliner and imagine yourself impervious to harm, a robot, emotionless.\n<<endif>>\s\n\n<<display 'day four'>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>A hedgehog puppet called Jeremy, and a stuffed frog called Frank, sit on your pillows even though you are more than a decade past the age when such things are really acceptable. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>They've come a long way with you already. They can come a little further.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>It's time to set aside childish things. You throw them away.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>So many of your friends are having babies now; you are of that age. You pick two, almost at random, and give them one apiece, with strict instructions as to their names.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>Nine months ago you bought the miniature Penguin library of short classics, slim bite-size books with rainbow spines. Now they and everything else on the black chipboard shelves must be dealt with. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You can perhaps take three books. In the end it is not such a hard choice. Emma. Tristram Shandy. Gulliver's Travels, badly foxed.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You take the library in its entirety outside and leave it on the wall while you go for a final coffee. When you come back it is gone.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>On a Saturday your friend, who has two children now, comes in his car and you give him four boxes stacked with words. The library will have pride of place in his living room, he says.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<silently>>\n<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\s\nYou've brought a few bits and pieces: a cheap plastic [[toaster|Mayfield toaster]], a white [[kettle]] that's never been used before, a [[set of plastic tea and coffee jars]] you got from a charity shop last week. You head to the kitchen.

try { macros['randomp'] = { \n\n handler: function(place,macroName,params,parser) {\n var state = 0;\n var passageflag = false;\n var chance = 100;\n var r = Math.random() * 100;\n \n for(var i = 0; i < params.length; i++) {\n switch(state) {\n case 0:\n if(params[i] == 'passage') {\n passageflag = true;\n state = 1;\n break;\n }\n //No break !!! fall through if keyword 'passage' is not used\n \n case 1:\n chance -= params[i];\n state = 2;\n break;\n \n case 2:\n if(r >= chance) {\n if(passageflag) macros.display.handler(place,macroName,[ params[i] ]); \n else new Wikifier(place, params[i]);\n return;\n }\n state = 0;\n break;\n }\n }\n },\n\n init: function() { }\n \n};} catch(e) { \n throwError(place,"Macro Randomp Error: "+e.message); \n}

version.extensions.ifMacros={major:2,minor:0,revision:0};macros["if"]={handler:function(place,macroName,params,parser){\nvar conditions=[],clauses=[],srcOffset=parser.source.indexOf(">>",parser.matchStart)+2,src=parser.source.slice(srcOffset),endPos=-1,currentCond=parser.fullArgs(),currentClause="",t=0,nesting=0;\nfor(var i=0;i<src.length;i++){if(src.substr(i,9)=="<<endif>>"){nesting--;if(nesting<0){endPos=srcOffset+i+9;\nconditions.push(currentCond);clauses.push(currentClause);break;}}if((src.substr(i,6)=="<<else")&&nesting==0){conditions.push(currentCond);\nclauses.push(currentClause);currentClause="";t=src.indexOf(">>",i+6);if(src.substr(i+6,4)==" if "){currentCond=Wikifier.parse(src.slice(i+10,t));\n}else{currentCond="true";}i=t+2;}if(src.substr(i,5)=="<<if "){nesting++;}currentClause+=src.charAt(i);\n}try{if(endPos!=-1){parser.nextMatch=endPos;for(i=0;i<clauses.length;i++){if(eval(conditions.shift())){new Wikifier(place,clauses[i ].trim());\nbreak;}}}else{throwError(place,"can't find matching endif");}}catch(e){throwError(place,"bad condition: "+e.message);\n}}};\n

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 0>>a double-edged razor blade is a talisman, nothing more, a protective device turned inwards, a weapon that hurts you as you wield it \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take it with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>even though it burns you can't let go<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take it with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave it behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>wrap it in seventeen strands of ribbon you had sitting in your desk drawer, green red white, take it to the patch of scrubby parkland out back of your tiny shoebox flat and bury it in London dirt and plant a single sunflower seed you won't see sprout above it<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave it behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give it away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>it's not for other people to see<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give it away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<if $boxes gte 1>><<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<set $packed.push('chessboard')>><<set $boxes = $boxes - 1>>\s\nYou did play chess here, a few times. You put the glass pieces out and sat on your bed with one of your oldest friends, last year. You smoked more weed than you really thought possible and you could see all the lines of force between the little sculpted players. The game took three hours, staring, seeing all the patterns, carefully picking your way through the web of possibilities in front of you, but you won in the end.\n\nYou pack the heavy board at the bottom of the box, take out a black felt tip from your pencil case and write "CARE - HEAVY" on the side, in case anyone but you picks it up.\n<<else>>\nYou have no more boxes. You will have to pack something else, for now.\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $day eq 1>><<display 'day one'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 2>><<display 'day two'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 3>><<display 'day three'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 4>><<display 'day four'>><<endif>>\n

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>\s\nTake a shell from the table by the front door. Hold it in the palm of your hand and watch it miss the sea. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>you can fit them in your luggage surely, wrapped in cotton wool, each one a promise unkept<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>take them to the Thames and cast them off London bridge. perhaps they will make it back to the ocean in time<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>put them in a padded envelope and post them back to him. later you will dream about eating them, the cold enamel crunching between your teeth.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<set $owned.push('camus')>>A few novels, pregnant with metaphor, and a few books of philosophy. The Plague has pride of place, alongside Primo Levi and a weighty Kierkegaard you will never admit you haven't read. These are books you describe by their authors' names, not by their titles. There are [[no women]] among them. You place each one on the shelf carefully, memorising where it sits. \n\n<<display 'zips buzz'>>

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<if $option1 eq 'wears eyeliner'>><<set $person.push($option2,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option2 eq 'wears eyeliner'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option3 eq 'wears eyeliner'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option2)>><<endif>><<set $statement.push('You will be the sort of person who wears eyeliner.')>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('black eyeliner') gte 0>>\s\n<<set $packed.push('black eyeliner')>>\s\nyou grew up in that room staring in the mirror painting your face every day till it was wearable outside the front door\nyou grew up perfecting a sharp stare underlined in black\nyou are growing up again, now\nit's time to bring it all back\n<<else if $owned.indexOf('silver eyeliner') gte 0>>\n<<set $packed.push('silver eyeliner')>>\nuntil you find a way to make yourself a robot this will have to do\nslather on your metallic face and wear a dress made of sequins and chains\nyou will go out to a club and dance till you puke and you and the mirror ball are made from the same flesh\n<<else>>\n<<set $owned.push('brown eyeliner','razor')>><<set packed.push('brown eyeliner','razor')>>\s\nPut your face on. You've never been much for make up but perhaps perhaps it's time to start making yourself look a bit more sophisticated, now you're going where you'll meet new people and they will look at your naked face and judge its bareness. You buy a new razor and shave your legs for the first time since you were fifteen. The zzzzzzzsh noise in the bathroom is calming, even as she hammers on the door.\s\n<<endif>>\n<<display 'weak'>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>The collage of words that you made and remade has solidified now, pasted onto board in a configuration that can only be added to, not remixed. The cheap paper has faded differently. HATE SOMETHING - CHANGE SOMETHING, at the centre, is almost unreadable.\n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take it with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>It will not fit in your suitcase. You could have it shipped, but that would cost a small fortune for a collection of scraps.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take it with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave it behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>Take a photograph, just one, with the light just right. Then take it to the tip and destroy it. They will break it over their knees and crush it with the other junk.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave it behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give it away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You wrap it carefully in old towels and give it to Carole, who lives four streets away and will make sure it is hung somewhere out of the light.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give it away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<set $scount = $statement.length>>\s\n<<if $num lt $scount>>\s\n<<print $statement[$num]>>\n<<set $num = $num + 1>>\s\n<<display 'statement'>>\n<<endif>>\s

You have five bags and a husband and a plane to catch, to the other side of the world. You have three more minutes in these empty rooms, bare shelves, stripped bed, the scent of curry wafting in through the open window from the restaurant down the street.\n\nThere are birds in all the colours of the rainbow, where you are going.\n\nThe taxi's here. It's time to [[leave|end slate]].\n<<display 'act5lost'>>

<<fadeoutsound $storm>>\s\nAct Four\n[[Heart-Shaped Box|packing after]]\n\n<<set $packed = ['plath']>>\n<<set $unpack = 0>>\n<<fadeinsound $straydawn>>

History.prototype.originalDisplay = History.prototype.display;\nHistory.prototype.display = function (title, link, render)\n{\nif ((render != 'quietly') && (render != 'offscreen'))\nremoveChildren($('passages'));\nthis.originalDisplay.apply(this, arguments);\n};

you have her good black flat shoes and her best pair of black boots bought from the army surplus shop\nshe polishes them every day\n[[fill them with water]]

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\s\n<<if $option1 eq 'has art on their walls'>><<set $person.push($option2,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option2 eq 'has art on their walls'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option3 eq 'has art on their walls'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option2)>><<endif>>\s\n<<set $statement.push('You will be the sort of person who has art on their walls.')>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('folded poster') gte 0>><<set $owned.splice($owned.indexOf('folded poster'),1)>><<set $lost.push('folded poster')>>\s\nYou grab the cardboard box from the top of the wardrobe and rip it open. No stupid rock stars saved you from anything. None of the pretty people whose faces stare up at you from the bottom of the box you've kept them in for two years. You rip each one into tiny shreds. They are snowflakes. The only thing you keep is a pressed flower, a purple pansy, now brown with age and solitude. You will press dozens more under bricks and heavy textbooks, embedding them in wax and plastic, making a garden on your walls.\n<<else if $owned.indexOf('collage') gte 0>>\s\n<<set $packed.push('collage')>>\s\nIf you are going to have art on your walls it will damn well be your own. You spent four hours putting the collage up when you moved in and she made you take it down. At least you still have the purple plastic wallet with all your words in. You've been collecting again since you decided to leave. You will make every future room a warren of interwoven text.\n<<else if $owned.indexOf('bluebell') gte 0>>\s\n<<set $packed.push('bluebell')>>\s\nYou have four monochrome pictures of vases of flowers by the same artist, framed in black plastic etched to look like wood, and your bluebell picture. Eventually you will surround yourself with dozens of flowers, rose petals and jasmine and strange exotic plants. You will have a whole garden on your walls.\n<<else>>\s\n<<set $owned.push('prints')>><<set $packed.push('prints')>>\nYou go out the day before you leave to say goodbye to the city. You walk up the steps of the museum where you've sat and smoked more times than you thought there would be days. In the end you go inside and buy the first beautiful thing you can find, a print of a stencil of a child releasing a red balloon into the sky.\n<<endif>>\n<<display 'weak'>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>You have a wardrobe full of new, cheap clothes, identities you put on for a few weeks or months then discard. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You stuff the latest batch of purchases in your bag; the clothes that don't fit you take to the charity shop or eBay, like always.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You can start from scratch, if you want. You decide to go with only one change of clothes and a set of PJs. It will be enough.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You take all but one outfit - jeans and a comfy sweater - to the homeless shelter, one day before you leave. They are cheap but not useless.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<if $num lt $owned.length>>\n<<set $test = $owned[$num]>>\n<<if $packed.indexOf($test) eq -1>>\n<<set $owned.splice($owned.indexOf($test),1)>>\n<<set $lost.push($test)>>\n<<endif>>\n<<set $num += 1>>\n<<display 'act2lost'>>\n<<endif>>\n

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<if $option1 eq 'reads books'>><<set $person.push($option2,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option2 eq 'reads books'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option3 eq 'reads books'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option2)>><<endif>>\s\n<<set $statement.push('You will be the sort of person who reads books.')>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('camus') gte 0>><<set $packed.push('camus')>>\s\nYou ripped through Prozac Nation nodding and you ate every word of Girl, Interrupted and now you are going away, you pack them all in boxes and you go into the big Waterstones in the city and buy a copy of Gas Light and you leave it at the top of the stairs when you finally walk out, past her sitting crosslegged in the big blue leather chair, not looking at you\n\n<<display 'weak'>>\n<<else if $owned.indexOf('austen') gte 0>><<set $packed.push('austen')>>\s\nshe has ripped the colour plates out of your copy of Gulliver's Travels\nthey are not there\n[[steal her shoes]]\n<<else if $owned.indexOf('ellis') gte 0>><<set $packed.push('ellis')>>\s\nyou are never going to travel far\nyou are never going to play guitar on a big stage while the crowd screams\nyou will never be flown half way around the world because of what you do\nbut you will sit in your student room crosslegged on your thin mattress and devour book after book that puts you in far-off places, in the shoes of people you are not\nput the lonely planet guide to paris in your rucksack\none day perhaps\n<<display 'weak'>>\n<<else if $owned.indexOf('pratchett') gte 0>><<set $packed.push('pratchett')>>\s\nYou bring three big boxes upstairs to the bookshelf. Two are for the Pratchetts. Some of them she gave you for odd birthdays or for Christmas. Three of them. The rest you bought yourself. You are pretty sure you know the first half of Good Omens off by heart. The other box is for Sandman, a few other graphic novels. When you were working you saved your money and spent it on escaping. \n<<display 'weak'>>\s\n<<else>><<set $packed.push('textbooks')>><<set $owned.push('textbooks')>>\s\nYou will buy every textbook on every suggested reading list and stack them all on your floor in enormous piles. Full to bursting with knowledge you will discover parts of your brain dust-full and unpractised but still in working order. Vast cogs and wheels inside you will begin to turn. Your years will be full of intricacies. You will find books that tell you secrets about the world. You will treat them like maps to your own mind.\n<<display 'weak'>>\n<<endif>>\s

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>In the closet you have bales of cloth, skeins of wool and your embroidery box. A few unfinished projects litter the living room.\n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You can take some knitting on the flight. You can take some needles and thread. That will have to do.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You can get rid of it all if you want. You prove it to yourself by throwing away the needles and the pins and the half-used spools of thread. The rest goes to your sister, in case she can find anything of use amid the debris.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You can get rid of it all if you want. But after much soul-searching it all goes to your sister, in case she can find anything of use amid the debris.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 0>>Ten faded, folded posters of rock stars, with guitars and guns and grim faces. They've not graced your walls in years, but for a time they were the world you came home to, when you closed your door and tried to rest. They were your idols, once.\n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You put them in an envelope at the bottom of your luggage. They are still idols, even in the dark.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>They are little more than rubbish now. You leave them in the recycling bin.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You ask the few friends you know who were into this music, once, but they all have the sort of walls you can't put Blu-Tak on. These are not period pieces.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<set $unpack = 0>>\nDid you think it was going to be forever? I guess you thought you were staying for good this time. You mixed your book collections together. All your utensils are muddled up. Now you have to pick out only what's yours and move away, not far enough away, while he's out, so he won't look at you and you won't become weak and want to [[stay]].

thick white paint\nyou put in a nice layer \nit makes a glooping sound as it drops from the tin\ntwo gloops of paint\nit does not leak\n[[put them back]]

run fast towards the skyline\n<<timedcontinue 1s>>run laden down with bags and boxes\n<<timedcontinue 1s>>run into the rising sun\n<<timedcontinue 1s>>run into the arms of another man\n<<timedcontinue 1s>>run for love\n<<timedcontinue 1s>>run for the future\n<<if $packed eq ['plath']>><<set $packed = []>><<timedcontinue 1s>>run unburdened<<endif>>\n<<timedcontinue 1s>>run [[free|act five]]\n<<set $i = 0>>\n<<display 'act4lost'>>

<<if $boxes gte 1>><<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<set $boxes = $boxes - 1>><<set $owned.push('cds')>><<set $packed.push('cds')>>\s\nYou tell everyone that the first album you bought was the Spawn soundtrack, because it had a cool alien face on the front. It's just about believable, just. It goes in the box, along with the Black Album, Korn, Antichrist Superstar, and all the rest. You pause over a relaxation CD of springtime water music. One of the other girls in the block gave it to you a few months ago, just before her second court date, to say thank you for helping her cook a meal. You're pretty sure she shoplifted it. You don't listen to it much. Should you [[keep it]]? Or will you [[need the space for other things]]?\n<<else>>\nYou have no more boxes. You will have to pack something else, for now.\n<<if $day eq 1>><<display 'day one'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 2>><<display 'day two'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 3>><<display 'day three'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 4>><<display 'day four'>><<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\s\n<<if $option1 eq 'cooks delicious food'>><<set $person.push($option2,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option2 eq 'cooks delicious food'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option3 eq 'cooks delicious food'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option2)>><<endif>>\s\n<<set $statement.push('You will be the sort of person who cooks delicious food.')>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('toaster') gte 0>><<set $packed.push('toaster')>>\s\nshe eats toast every morning with honey and tea with sugar.\nyou take the toaster without even thinking about it. she can learn to use the grill. she sits motionless in the living room as you bring it past, cable swinging, the cat pawing at the plug. you don't look at her face.\n<<else if $owned.indexOf('jars') gte 0>><<set $packed.push('jars')>>\s\nThe labels have worn off the jars. In two months' time a rice packet will split open as you put it in the cupboard above your head and your new housemate, Ruth, will laugh so hard she can barely sit up at your face as you carefully pick up each grain and check it for dirt before putting it in the jar that once held sugar.\n<<else if $owned.indexOf('wok') gte 0>><<set $packed.push('wok')>>\s\nyou will cook stir fried chicken with fresh chilli and ginger\nyou will roast a chicken one lazy winter Sunday when the snow is at your door\nyou will cook two curries for twenty people all on mismatched plates in the common room, they will smile at you and say thank you, you will not have to do the washing up\n<<else>><<set $packed.push('spices')>><<set $owned.push('spices')>>\s\nYou will buy a spice rack, 16 jars and a metal stand, even though it is an extra unnecessary thing to transport hundreds of miles. You'll fill it with things you can't yet afford: cardamom pods, turmeric, mustard seeds, garam masala. By third year people will ask you to come round and make curry for parties, little student affairs. You will make a meal for six and change out of twenty quid. You have two years' more practice than most people at this, after all.\n<<endif>>\n<<display 'weak'>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>Every room in your tiny flat has pictures of plants on the wall. Choking ivy, intricate orchids, vast plains of sunflowers. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>There is room for one. You can take the bluebell fairy if you leave the frame behind. No more.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>the flat does not have a garden. the next tenants will need the plants. this is where they belong<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You break up the grand vistas, the visions that have calmed you each morning as you dressed for work. You lug each one separately to the charity shop where old women will buy them and they will never be combined in the same way ever again.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>Box after box of magnets and ferrous metals and iron filings. Twisted wire hung with shining beads, strange fruit. A little wire tree, beginning to rust with age, has sat on your study shelves for two more years.\n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>In the end there is only room in the suitcase for the tree. If you pack it carefully with padding around it will probably survive the journey.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>It's all scrap metal in the end. Take it to the junkyard. Maybe the magnets will briefly interfere with the crusher.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You call Jen, a friend whose husband makes art of a depth and sensivity your metal accretions cannot hope to match. She guardedly agrees to stash your creations in her studio, for a few months. For just long enough.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<set $unpack = 0>>\s\n<<set $statement = []>>\s\n<<set $person = ['reads books','wears eyeliner','cooks delicious food','is calm','collects things','writes','makes things','drinks tea','loves animals','works hard','looks awesome','has art on their walls']>>\s\n<<if $game eq 'chessboard'>><<set $person.push('plays chess')>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('tree') gte 0>><<set $person.push('creates art')>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('papers') gte 0>><<set $person.push('is organised')>><<endif>>\s\n\s\nHey hey hey it's OK it's OK shhh you're going to be fine. It is going to be BETTER NOW. You understand. You're going where she won't hurt you. You wrote down the numbers on a piece of scrap paper and made a list of all the times she cost you. You won't see any of it again but you wrote it all down anyway so you could show it to her. As if you can put a price on [[pain]]\n

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 0>><<set $endifgive = 1>>Your PC is getting old now, but it still houses most of your games and much of your writing. You play with other people much more often, escaping into worlds together. The time zones will make that hard to do when you go. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take it with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>It takes a while, but you work out how to disassemble it and how to put it back together. You dissect it like a nervous surgeon, box its parts, wrap them in anti-static bags and clothes and fear. You will have nightmares about losing the hard drive.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take it with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave it behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>In the end you decide it has gotten too old. It's slow. It rattles. You save everything you need, wipe the hard drive, take the parts to the tip. You keep your Morrowind save games on a memory stick, just in case.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave it behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give it away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>A friend's sister is going to university, the first in her family, on a prayer and not enough money to make the rent. You decide suddenly that she should have it, and drive a ninety-mile round trip one late spring evening to ensure that she does.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give it away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<if $unpack lte 3>>The suitcase sits on the single mattress. There are a few things left inside.\n<<if $owned.indexOf('folded poster') eq -1 and $owned.indexOf('rolled poster') eq -1 and $owned.indexOf('collage') eq -1>>Take out the [[poster|Mayfield poster]].<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('chessboard') eq -1>>Take out the [[chessboard|mayfield chessboard]].<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('toaster') eq -1 and $owned.indexOf('kettle') eq -1 and $owned.indexOf('jars') eq -1>>Take out the [[kitchenware|Mayfield kitchen]].<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('camus') eq -1 and $owned.indexOf('ellis') eq -1 and $owned.indexOf('austen') eq -1>>Take out the [[books|Mayfield books]].<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('grunge clothes') eq -1>>Take out the [[clothes|Mayfield clothes]].<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<else>>You sling your suitcase under the bed and go to make a cup of tea. It is 11am on a Tuesday and the day is your own. All the days are your own, all of a sudden. There are [[so many|act two]] of them.\n<<endif>>

<<set $owned.push('dress')>><<set $packed.push('dress')>>go to London on the train and try on a long velvet dress\nit is dark red and black\nit is laced up the front and the skirt flows when you spin\nwhen you emerge from the changing room wearing it your friend, a man with a big beard and no hair and four facial piercings, is breathless at the way you look\nyou will only see him three more times before his accident\nlater you will be so glad he saw you tall and straightbacked and radiant and beautiful\nyou will never regret the money, not once\n\n<<display 'weak'>>

You have this suitcase to fill, and everything else must go. In seven days time you will be ten thousand miles away and it will be autumn instead of spring. Your tiny flat bursts at the seams. The suitcase has an extra zip that will help you compress it all down. The flight regulations say 32kg or less. <<if $owned eq []>>That will not be a problem. The [[zips buzz|you have nothing]].<<else>> The [[zips buzz|buzzing zips]].<<endif>>\n<<if $owned neq []>>\n<<set $i = 0>>\n<<set $had = $owned.slice()>>\n<<if $had.indexOf('plath') gte 0>>\n<<set $had.splice($had.indexOf('plath'),1)>>\n<<set $plath = 1>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>

<<set $give = 1>>\s\n<<if $endifgive eq 1>>\s\n<<set $done += 1>>\s\n<<set $had.splice($had.indexOf($test),1)>>\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<display $test>>\s

<<silently>>\n<<set $packed = ['plath']>>\n<<set $unpack = 0>>\n<<set $boxes = 3>>\n<<set $binbags = 7>>\n<<set $crates = 2>>\n<<set $materials = 0>>\n<<set $day = 0>>\n<<endsilently>>\s\nShe said yes.\n\nYou have [[four days to pack|day one]] and get everything from here to there, from your wide room with the beige carpets and the white walls to a new place. The new house is in a terraced row of seven. The bus to your new job leaves across the road, six doors down. You can be there in less than an hour. You can afford the rent, if she shares it. \n\nShe said she would. It is far better than being alone.

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>They last well, army boots, even though they’re second hand when you buy them. Or third hand if you steal them. Of course. On your honeymoon you wore them to walk up a mountain, wearing too thick coats in the glaring sun. They’re still good, if a little battered now. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>Shove them in your bags. You won’t stop walking.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>Dump them unceremoniously in one of the bin bags you’ve been absent-mindedly stuffing for days now.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>Take them to the charity shop with a pot of polish and your boot brushes. The day before you leave, you will see a short slim woman with a nose piercing wearing them, a heart shape painted in Tip-Ex on each toe.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\s\n<<if $option1 eq 'creates art'>><<set $person.push($option2,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option2 eq 'creates art'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option3 eq 'creates art'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option2)>><<endif>>\s\n<<set $statement.push('You will be the sort of person who creates art.')>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('tree') gte 0>><<set $packed.push('tree')>>\s\nYou took the wire tree out from the little space under the carpet in the box room that she never managed to find. It is not destroyed. It is dusty and white webs weave between its silver branches.\n\nYou take a metal fork from the kitchen and use your own strength and a metal radiator as a brace. You bend and twist it into a stubborn spiral creation, spikes in all directions, still at heart an implement but newly made beautiful. You imagine her stepping on it.\n\nIt will sit on your shelves. You will buy a soldering iron and a set of strong magnets with your first student loan payment. You will burn your desk with hot metal making your first sculpture. You will scour streets for strange objects in the rain, bring them home and make them your own. You will pull art from adopted scraps.\n<<else>>\s\n<<set $owned.push('pastels')>><<set $packed.push('pastels')>>\s\nYou are full of dust and you are choking. You start putting money aside, pennies at a time. You save to buy chalk pastels, bright blocks of vibrant colour.\n\nIn your student room you will press pigment into paper with your imperfect hands, trying to make the canvas burn like the dawn sky. You'll go to lectures with stained fingers.\n<<endif>>\n<<display 'weak'>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>Scattered on shelves, in odd corners of the flat, you have a collection of crystals: a surprising number, when you gather them together and take stock. Dozens of different stones, each one a key that unlocks a small memory, a place, a time. And a new addition: an apple made from heavy slate, bought on your honeymoon.\n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>There are too many. They weigh too much. You pick out the sphere of haematite to add to your pockets on the flight, but the others cannot join it.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You carefully tie them up in a scarf, a Dick Whittington bindle, and at the next full moon you take them to the Thames and throw them in. They sink without trace.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>The last time you see your family, your nieces and nephews, you spread your crystals out on a tray and let them each pick one or two or more to take away. Your sister picks a fire agate. Your nieces lace agate and chalcopyrite. Your brother an amethyst. Your nephews a fossilised worm. Your parents slate.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>Your beautiful red and black dress hangs in the wardrobe. You have taken good care of it; it has been worn to two weddings and an award ceremony, and from time to time at parties. It is unblemished. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take it with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You buy a suit protector and fold it around the dress. You find a silica gel packet from an old handbag and add that, too. A small protective talisman for the journey.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take it with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave it behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You are different now. You put it up on eBay to see how much it might fetch; seven days later you are ever so slightly richer. You resolve to spend the lot on nail varnish.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave it behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give it away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>Your friend Philippa is the same size as you. You pass her a bundle of clothes to try and take or leave. You put the dress right at the bottom.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give it away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<fadeoutsound $homedawn>>\s\nAct Three\n[[School|packing for uni]]\n<<set $packed = ['plath','vintage boots','toys','cds']>>\n<<fadeinsound $storm>>

<<if $crates gte 1>><<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<set $crates = $crates - 1>><<set $owned.push('papers')>><<set $packed.push('papers')>>\nIt's your first house, and you still don't really understand which papers that come through your door are important. There's all sorts in here: phone bills, bank statements, benefit receipts, the stubs of your first income support book and the letters about your council tax and your rental arrears from before the benefits came through. You kept everything just in case they stopped the money again. Now you have a job, you won't need that any more. \n\nYou start to leaf through the small stack of paper, checking account numbers, making a list. There is too much. After twenty minutes, the incomprehensible bureaucracy of living condensed in this pile has defeated you. You lift it in one messy lump and dump it into a crate. If you need any of it in the future, you will know where to start looking.\n<<else>>\nYou have no more crates. You will have to pack something else, for now.\n<<endif>>\n<<if $day eq 1>><<display 'day one'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 2>><<display 'day two'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 3>><<display 'day three'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 4>><<display 'day four'>><<endif>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>You'd guess you have spent hundreds of pounds and thousands of hours in total on the creams and potions that you wear on your face every day. You like the natural look, but you create it with art and artifice. You have three big boxes full of subtle shades. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You consolidate, throwing out what's old or useless, and stash the rest inside shoes at the bottom of the case.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>It is not hard to throw it all in the bin. It is hard to work out what you will look like in the pictures you send home.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You consolidate, throwing out what's old or useless, until what you have left might be of use to someone else. The nearly new things you give to friends.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<if $option1 eq 'plays chess'>><<set $person.push($option2,$option3)>><<endif>>\n<<if $option2 eq 'plays chess'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option3)>><<endif>>\n<<if $option3 eq 'plays chess'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option2)>><<endif>><<set $statement.push('You will be the sort of person who plays chess.')>><<set $packed.push('chessboard')>>>>\s\nShe wouldn't play with you. She hated that you were better than her. She folded her arms and sulked for hours. She refused to touch you or kiss you. She told you your brain was an offence and your powers of logic irrelevant. By the end you had begun to believe her.\n\nThe chessboard is a heavy thing but it is yours. Put it in a rucksack and wrap the glass pieces in newspaper. There will be better minds and bigger hearts where you are going.\n<<display 'weak'>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 0>>In one of the older boxes, you still have the chunk of castle she gave you years ago. Sandstone, water-smoothed, wearing away as the time passes.\n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take it with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>It is part of history, part of the past. You must remember it.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take it with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave it behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You add it to the pile of stones in the park, next to the water where you walk and watch the ducks. Let it be forgotten.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave it behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give it away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>Who wants a stone but more stones? To anyone but you, it is nothing but earth.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give it away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

(function(){\nvar bs = String.fromCharCode(92);\nWikifier.formatters.unshift({\n name: "continuedLine",\n match: bs+bs+"s",\n handler: function(a) {\n a.nextMatch = a.matchStart+3;\n }\n});\n}());

<<set $owned.push('ellis')>>You owe your small collection of controversial novels to a themed Waterstones 3 for 2 table, not to any great discernment of your own, but it's a good little collection nonetheless. American Psycho, Trainspotting, Clockwork Orange, Fight Club, Naked Lunch. Each one a doorway into a more vicious, more violent, more glamorous world than the one you inhabit. There are [[no women]] among their authors. Each one slides carefully into place on the shelf.\n\n<<display 'zips buzz'>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>\s\nBy now there are more than two hundred books, you think. You run your fingers over the spines every day, though you rarely take one down to read. Camus, Satre, Audre Lord. Your bookshelves groan under the weight of years, of pages, of words. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>They are too heavy to take with you.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You take them to the charity shop down the road, fourteen trips in total. The day before the flight you see a young man reading one in the Costa coffee shop opposite.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You give all that you can, one by one, to family members and friends.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<set $take = 1>>\s\n<<if $endiftake eq 1>>\s\n<<set $done += 1>>\s\n<<set $had.splice($had.indexOf($test),1)>>\s\n<<set $packed.push($test)>>\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<display $test>>\s

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 0>>All the vital things are in a wallet your sister gave you: passport, flight schedule, visa, cash. You still have a stack of carefully organised documents you didn't throw away just in case: old tenancy agreements, pay slips, pension statements, tax code letters. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You winnow down the pile to only the most important things, take photographs of all of them with your phone and upload them, so they're safe. Your brother agrees to store the hard copies for a couple of months at least.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You spend a calm, cathartic afternoon with a friend's home office shredder, turning the minutiae of your former life into hamster bedding.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>There's no one to give them to. They're useless to anyone else.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<once>>Everything must go, again.<<endonce>>\n<<set $done = 0>>\s\n<<set $take = 0>>\s\n<<set $leave = 0>>\s\n<<set $give = 0>>\s\n<<set $j = $had.length>>\s\n<<if $j gt 0>>\s\n<<set $i = Math.floor(Math.random()*$j)>>\s\n<<set $test = $had[$i]>>\s\n<<print "[[What's next?|" + $test + "]]">>\s\n<<else if $plath eq 1>>\s\n<<print "[[What's next?|plath]]">>\s\n<<else>>\s\n[[You're all packed.]]\n<<endif>>\s

<<if $boxes gte 1>><<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<set $boxes = $boxes - 1>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('folded poster') gte 0>>\s\n<<set $packed.push('folded poster')>>\s\nIt's been long enough now that most of the old posters from magazines look faded and dull. They were never good quality glossy things like you'd see in HMV or Tower Records, but then those things were overpriced rubbish anyway. But what you have on your walls looks, when you think of it through her eyes, kind of childish.\n\nYou decide you don't care. You take down the images of the musicians whose music still forms the soundtrack to your days, and you carefully fold them up along the scored lines of the old magazines. You stash them at the bottom of a box. If you don't want her to know, she never has to know.\n<<else if $owned.indexOf('rolled poster') gte 0>>\s\nThey've been taken down and put up more times than you can count, these posters. They're ratty and bedraggled, suffering from rough handling. You don't have a tube to put them in to protect them in the trailer. As you pull one off the wall, despite your best efforts, it tears in half.\n\nIn the end, you decide to take them down and throw them away. You're too old for rows of smily faces anyway, and a little too cynical, you decide.\n<<set $boxes = $boxes + 1>>\s\n<<set $owned.splice($owned.indexOf('rolled poster'),1)>><<set $lost.push('rolled poster')>>\s\n<<set $packed.push('rolled poster')>>\n<<else if $owned.indexOf('collage') gte 0>>\s\n<<set $packed.push('collage')>>\s\nIt's grown, the collage. Every so often you'd bring back a word or a phrase from a magazine you found in college, or you'd carefully clip a headline from the local paper or Metal Hammer magazine. It now covers most of the door leading from your bedroom into the shared hallway. It takes an age, carefully stripping it down, each tiny scrap of paper and its old Blu-Tak painstakingly separated and placed in your purple plastic wallet. It takes an age. <<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\n<<else>>\s\n<<set $owned.push('bluebell')>><<set $packed.push('bluebell')>>\nYou saved all your spare cash for six weeks to buy it. It's not much: an oval, dark wooden frame, with a print of a Victorian line drawing, you think. It shows a fairy, a little golden-haired blue-eyed girl with a mischievous grin, dressed in a bluebell and sitting in a strand of ivy. You wrap it carefully in one of the three sheets of bubble wrap and put it in a box.\n<<endif>>\n<<else>>\s\nYou have no more boxes. You will have to pack something else, for now.\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $day eq 1>><<display 'day one'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 2>><<display 'day two'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 3>><<display 'day three'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 4>><<display 'day four'>><<endif>>

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<<if $crates gte 1>><<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\s\n <<if $owned.indexOf('camus') gte 0>><<set $packed.push('camus')>><<set $crates = $crates - 1>>\s\nYou've read a few more of these now, just because the nights got long and you couldn't really afford to stock your shelves with style over substance any more. And you've diversified: Robert Anton Wilson's Illuminatus! trilogy sits next to Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Both, you've told your friends, are inadequate in their own ways, not least the absence of a female perspective. Jeanette Winterson's Written on the Body nestles up to Germaine Greer's The Female Eunuch on your shelves. In the crate you mix up the titles to make the number of books by women look larger than it is, and you make a resolution for the new house.\n <<else if $owned.indexOf('ellis') gte 0>><<set $packed.push('ellis')>><<set $crates = $crates - 1>>\s\nAt some point in the past two years your bookshelf became a backdrop for photographs. A plastic tiara with purple trim sits on top of it, along with a purple and pink feather boa that sheds horrendously every time you move it. You have added a long cigarette holder and some biographies of rock stars - Simon Price on the Manic Street Preachers, Marilyn Manson's autobiography - ghostwritten, you assuredly tell your friends. Empty halves of Jack Daniels act as bookends. You sweep it all into the crate, smearing a little candlewax on your copy of On The Road.\n <<else if $owned.indexOf('austen') gte 0>><<set $packed.push('austen')>><<set $crates = $crates - 1>>\s\nYour collection's grown a little in the past two years, broadening into lesser-known historical novels and poetry. You have a version of Chaucer's tales, with the middle English on one side and the translation on the other. You have a thumbed-through copy of Tristram Shandy, picked up by chance at a flea market and read now more times than you can count. Penguin classic Austens, and your Gulliver's Travels, with its gold-edged pages and an inscription to someone who died before you were born. Carefully you stack them in the crate, their spines facing outwards.\n <<else>><<set $packed.push('pratchett')>><<set $crates = $crates - 1>><<set $binbags = $binbags - 1>><<set $owned.push('pratchett')>>\s\nYou've been building up a small collection, over the last two years, though you've never really had enough money to buy new books. What you have here is a hodge-podge of things you knew you wanted and things that were cheap in the Oxfam down the road: some classics, a couple of Andy McNab thrillers you haven't yet quite grown out of, one romance novel you keep around to quote passages in company when you've had one drink too many, and some Terry Pratchetts from a lucky day. You stack the Pratchetts in the crate and put the rest in a binbag to leave in the hallway for the other girls to share.\n <<endif>>\n<<else>>/\nYou have no more crates. You will have to pack something else, for now.\n<<endif>>\n<<if $day eq 1>><<display 'day one'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 2>><<display 'day two'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 3>><<display 'day three'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 4>><<display 'day four'>><<endif>>\s

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>Each one of your good pastels cost three pounds, until the art shop put the prices up and charged you three pounds fifty a time. You put 50p in a pot by the front door every week. Your early drawings are monochrome. It took you six months to afford the sea. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You can carefully cut a foam insert with slots in for a cardboard box and wrap each one in tissue just in case. You can take the three brushes and the pad of rough paper. You can try to catch the sunlight with your fingers in a strange country.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You pack your pastels in a little box and leave them, wrapped in cling film, on a seat at the train station on your last but one day of work.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You wrap them in cling film, each one individually, and take them to the nursery on the corner. They are good quality artist’s pastels. Some of the children might be good quality artists.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

but that is not the point here.\nYou are leaving. \nYou are going away. To learn things. To a new city.\n\nYou get to be whoever you want to. New person. not [[weak]] like the old one

<<silently>>\n<<set $materials = 1>> \n<<set $boxes = $boxes + 2>>\n<<set $binbags = $binbags + 10>>\n<<set $crates = $crates + 1>>\n<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\s\nBinbags are easy. A roll of ten from the corner shop is 57p, which is within your acceptable overspend for the week. Boxes are harder; nowhere within walking distance sells them, and they're too expensive to buy when you can beg them from the shops. Kwiksave recycle all theirs, you know from last time, so you try other shops. Oxfam has none you can take. The hippy shop doesn't have any deliveries till next week. The woman behind the counter at the bookshop on the corner takes offence at you asking and tells you to leave. Eventually the greengrocer gives you a couple, wide things that will be too heavy to lift if you fill them to the brim.\n\nYou filch another bread crate from the car park at the back of Sainsburys on the way home.\n\n<<display 'day three'>>

<<fadeoutsound $city>>\s\nAct Two\n[[About A Girl|packing for Pershore]]\n<<fadeinsound $homedawn>>

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<if $option1 eq 'works hard'>><<set $person.push($option2,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option2 eq 'works hard'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option3 eq 'works hard'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option2)>><<endif>><<set $statement.push('You will be the sort of person who works hard.')>>\s\n<<set $owned.push('computer')>><<set $packed.push('computer')>>The day you leave she tells you she wishes she had smashed up your computer. You left it in the house with her for weeks and she had ample opportunity. She says she should have taught you a lesson.\n\nYou will drink red wine and play Theme Hospital in your student room until 4am. You will play Morrowind until you can hardly see. You will play and play and sometimes in between you will write an essay or two. They will be better because you are playing too. \n<<display 'weak'>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>The shelf in your living room is weighted with thick books about faraway places, photographs of lands you thought you'd never visit.\n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>Only one is worth taking; only one will tell you about where you are going. The rest are dead weight.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You can walk out of the house and leave them still shelved. Let them be someone else's dream.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You make twelve parcels out of cardboard and brown paper, and send the books to friends you are leaving behind. All but the one that has pictures in it of the city you will sleep in very soon.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

in a final act of rage and indignity [[shave all your hair off]]\n

sometimes before you got up the courage to leave her you imagined taking the stone in your mouth and swallowing it, so it would be inside you and you would know it in your bones, you would etch it with your own unknowable acid processes and the slate would melt away, you would shit out gravel and inside you would remain the opal, you would have it in your bloodstream forever and when they cut you would bleed not thick red coagulating copper-smelling blood but instead a viscous white and bluegreen iridescence that would not stain your sleeves and your shirts but instead would prove you more than human, more than weakness, more than \n\nyou hate her\n\nbut you are more than your hate. \n<<display 'weak'>>

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<if $option1 eq 'loves animals'>><<set $person.push($option2,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option2 eq 'loves animals'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option3 eq 'loves animals'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option2)>><<endif>><<set $statement.push('You will be the sort of person who loves animals.')>>\s\n<<set $packed.push('her cat photos')>><<set $owned.push('her cat photos')>><<set $lost.push('your cat photos')>>\s\nshe has stolen the photos you took of your cat\nhe used to sit curled up on the bean bags in your front room\nand at night he would stretch out on the bed between you\nforgetting to be shy of having his belly rubbed\nyou have to leave him here\nyou have no choice\nhis name is Byron\nyou will steal her photos and pin them to your walls instead\n<<display 'weak'>>

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<if $option1 eq 'is organised'>><<set $person.push($option2,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option2 eq 'is organised'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option3 eq 'is organised'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option2)>><<endif>>\s\n<<set $statement.push('You will be the sort of person who is organised.')>>\s\n<<set $packed.push('papers')>>\s\nYou quell the fire in you just long enough to dig out the box of paperwork, heavier now with tenancy agreements, benefit slips, rent bills. It takes a whole morning to dig through and sort.\n\nWhen you are done you take everything that's not yours out into the overgrown garden where you did not have picnics, ever, and you pile it haphazardly amid the undergrowth.\n\nIt burns well. It smells good. Too soon it is all ash.\n\n<<display 'weak'>>

Everything she touched is dust. She has broken the bones of the earth and ripped holes in history. You owe her nothing. You owe her no forgiveness and no peace. Give the stone back to the earth. Bury it one wet afternoon at the base of an old ruined tower by the river bank. Let the ducks bear witness.\n<<set $owned.splice($owned.indexOf('sandstone'),1)>><<set $lost.push('sandstone')>>\n<<display 'weak'>>

<<if $boxes gte 1>><<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<set $boxes = $boxes - 1>><<set $owned.push('craft')>><<set $packed.push('craft')>>\nFor the first year you didn't have a TV, aside from the box in the shared common room, and that was tuned to soaps: Emmerdale, Brookside, Corrie, Eastenders, the same set every night. You kept the habit of creating small things to keep your hands busy, even after she started to occupy more and more of your time. There's a tin of sequins, an empty ice cream box of glue and pens, a little bag of embroidery yarns and needles. You make cards for birthdays and stitch presents for friends with your imperfect hands. Every time you are ashamed, but it is cheaper to create than to purchase. That won't change, even if she does find another job and start helping with the rent.\n<<else>>\nYou have no more boxes. You will have to pack something else, for now.\n<<endif>>\n<<if $day eq 1>><<display 'day one'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 2>><<display 'day two'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 3>><<display 'day three'>><<endif>><<if $day eq 4>><<display 'day four'>><<endif>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\s\nYou only brought the best ones, those that would repay reading over and over again, that you could place on your shelves - if you had shelves - and be proud of when visitors came. [[Camus]], [[Brett Easton Ellis]], [[Jane Austen]].

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 1>>The CD Sally gave you is in your bedroom, where you'd listen to it if sleep wouldn't come. A bottle of lavender oil sits next to it, and a book, and an eye mask. Sometimes it would even work. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take it with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You do not have a CD player but that is easily fixed. Sleep might be easier, where the day is flipped on its head.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take it with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave it behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>It has served its time. You throw it away.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave it behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give it away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You dig out Sally's last address from your email. The last you heard from her was three years ago. You address the parcel carefully and add a couple of extra stamps, and hope.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give it away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

the shoes are sopping wet and full, they are holding their waterproofing well\n[[fill them with paint]]

Game over.\n\nCongratulations. You left the country with <<print $owned.length>> items out of <<print $total>> and left behind or lost <<print $lost.length>>.\n\n----\n\nDetritus is a Twine game & formal experiment by <html><a href="http://www.twitter.com/newsmary">@newsmary</a></html>. It is a work of fiction inspired by real-life experiences. Originally it was just meant to be five short elements, each one using a different mechanic, as a way of teaching myself the medium. It got kinda out of hand. Please send me feedback on Twitter or by email at newsmary@gmail.com.\n\n----\n\nThanks to <html><a href="http://l.j-factor.com/">Webbed Space</a>, <a href="http://aliendovecote.com/">Porpentine</a></html> & the Tweecode Google group for helping me learn Twine.\n\nSounds: <html><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYDz1-CXhFc">Act 1</a>, <a href="http://www.freesound.org/people/sean.townsend/sounds/98371/">Act 2</a>, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAnsT0WcsuE">Act 3</a>, <a href="https://soundcloud.com/nature-sounds/dawn-chorus-australia-free">Act 4</a>, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyA5c-ajXyg">Act 5</a></html>\n\n<<fadeoutsound $sea>>\s

<<set $unpack = $unpack + 1>><<if $option1 eq 'makes things'>><<set $person.push($option2,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option2 eq 'makes things'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option3)>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $option3 eq 'makes things'>><<set $person.push($option1,$option2)>><<endif>><<set $statement.push('You will be the sort of person who makes things.')>>\s\n<<if $owned.indexOf('craft') gte 0>>\s\n<<set $packed.push('craft')>>\s\nYou took up knitting a year ago for something to do in the evenings with your hands, while you sat quietly in the living room with your cat and watched bad films and waited for life to start. You had a paper of pins and needles and a bag of embroidery thread and not enough clothes and too much time and you busied yourself learning to make do and mend. At university you will make a red circle skirt and stitch leather patches into an unwearable tunic and craft a small, imperfect, heartfelt gift out of scraps of cloth to see a new friend smile. \n<<else>><<set $owned.push('calligraphy')>><<set $packed.push('calligraphy')>>\s\nDig out the quilling kit you were given for your nineteenth birthday by a well-meaning aunt. Buy a calligraphy pen and rich bottles of thick ink and scraps of parchment to practise on. At the end of your second year at university you will steal dried bark off a farmer's log pile and inscribe it with words you believe to be true, about love, and loss, and the necessity of green earth.\n<<endif>>\n<<display 'weak'>>

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 1>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 0>>Two pictures of Byron the cat sitting curled round on himself, behind glass. When you were sick he would pad carefully across the bed and push his head up against your belly before settling to sleep, one paw on your hand, purring. \n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take them with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>Take him out of his glass box and put him in a stiff-backed envelope in the slim pocket of your luggage. He will see the world too.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take them with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave them behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>It’s spring and there are no bonfires but you build a little wigwam from twigs and string and burn the photos. Byron is smoke now anyway.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave them behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give them away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You steel yourself and give the frames to the charity shop. They take the pictures out for you and give them back. You walk home clutching them one in each hand.<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give them away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s

<<once>><<set $done = 0>><<endonce>><<set $endiftake = 0>><<set $endifleave = 1>><<set $endifgive = 0>>You have a heavy onyx chessboard, that's been sitting on your dining table for years. You have played three games of chess in that time with three different people, each one frustrating but fruitful.\n\n* <<if $take lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Take it with you.|take]]<<else if $take eq 1>>You can't take it with you. It is so heavy you would have trouble taking anything else.<<else if $done eq 1 and $take lt 1>>==Take it with you.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $leave lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Leave it behind.|leave]]<<else if $leave eq 1>>You have no choice. Leave it on the dining table. Try not to think about where it will go next.<<else if $done eq 1 and $leave lt 1>>==Leave it behind.==<<endif>>\n* <<if $give lt 1 and $done lt 1>>[[Give it away.|give]]<<else if $give eq 1>>You ask around but all the friends who play chess already have boards. It's a heavy, silly, mismatched thing. Why do you own it? Who else would want it?<<else if $done eq 1 and $give lt 1>>==Give it away.==<<endif>>\n\n<<if $done eq 1>><<display 'buzzing zips'>><<endif>>\s